The world around me.

2009 and you!

2009-02-03T23:21:00.000-05:00

Look! Its 2009! Its totally different than 2008. This is our chance people, our chance to make things new, put an end to bad things and fix everything that was wrong with last year. Let me guess...you're gonna lose weight and learn how to spell "definitely".

Actually, 2009 is still going to suck. Here is why:

A. dollar shots
They usually come on those fancy trays served by some bar fly that can't count to fifteen when shes sober. You know exactly what kind of "shots" I am referring to. Apparently the bar misplaced any of their real liquor and in a last ditch attempt to save face, replaced all the real shots with Hawaiian punch. I just love being offered a cylinder of grape soda. Tell ya what, go back to the bar, put on a dress and get me some fucking whiskey. I'll drink until you're pretty. Until then, don't ask me to waste my fucking money.

B. People that think the "new deal" will save us.
I get so sick of reading internet posts and hearing chatter about how Obama is going to save us all, cure cancer and resurrect the fucking dead.
First off, if you don't know what I am talking about...skip this section. For the rest of you who do, start paying attention.
The "Obama" can't do jack squat to change the economy. No amount of financial aid to anyone is going to change anything. The economy is by large a self regulating phenomenon. Its goes up and down. Money flows and changes hands. It takes a large scale downturn in unemployment and upturn in manufacturing and services to rescue the economy. You want proof? The first "new deal" is proof of this. FDR did nothing to stop the great depression. Do you really think selling apples on the corner to people who couldn't afford apples was helping? No, of course not. Only an idiot would think so.

FDR's brilliant scheme was to raise taxes and give it back to the poor through government programs. Sound familiar. Want to know what saved us during the great depression? I'll give you a hint. The atomic bomb.

World War II saved this country. It put every man and woman to work. While the army was busy saving the rest of the world from Nazis and Ninjas, everyone in the states had a job. In turn they spent this cash on goods and services, allowing those business to expand and hire more people. Its simple economics. The new deal was shit. How does it feel knowing the only reason our country is what it is today, is because Germany and Japan decided they wanted to rule the world? After we beat them like drums, we got back to business. The business of taking over the world.

C. Your giant SUV road tank is sitting in the median because you're a god damn moron.
I can drive 65 mph during a blizzard, with no problems, while some people can't drive their SUV in a straight line in a light snowfall. I saw 6 fucking vehicles in the median last time to went to Pittsburgh. Somehow, these people went off the road...WHILE TRAVELING IN A STRAIGHT LINE. Why does everyone insist on reinforcing the stereo type that SUV drivers are all blazing idiots who can't even drive forward, let alone tackling concepts like "left", "right" and "backwards". Here are some winter driving tips for those of you who drive urban assault vehicles (aka SUVs):

1. Don't leave your house. This is a simple tip. If you have any number of kids and you drive an SUV, don't leave your damn house. Send someone else out to get whatever pointless shit you were going to buy with your husbands money. You were probably going to Bed Bath and Beyond, Yankee Candle or some other completely inconsequential destination. You are putting us all in grave danger and personally I would like to live to see 30.

2. If you have to leave, practice driving in a straight line. This is another simple tip. If you drive and SUV, find an empty parking lot and practice driving in a straight line. You can use the parking lines as guidance. This will help immensely when navigating on the interstate.

3. If a light breeze is blowing and you lose control, don't mash your God damn brakes. This is the biggest mistake people make. The solution to every driving incident is not: STOMP ON DA BIG PEDAL MAKE THINGS SLOW DOWN!
You could try simply guiding the vehicle back onto the road. This, of course takes knowledge of simple physics. Your typical baby boomer, soccer mom or soccer dad is too busy cramming their head with what color drapery is in this year.

There is one good thing about 2009 though...

Transformers 2:

I cannot explain to you how pumped I am for this movie. It has every ingredient to be the best movie, ever. It has explosions, pyramids and an intergalactic robot war. The only thing lacking are ninjas and zombies. It is possible they put some ninjas in, but I doubt it. If any movie ever combined all those elements together, the universe may implode on itself because the amount of awesome would be overwhelming. People would be dying in the streets. The entire space time continuum would collapse. Transformers 2 is the most amount of awesome they can pack into one movie without endangering us all.

2009...

If corporate America was run entirely by women...

2008-09-15T17:58:00.000-05:00

If corporate America was run entirely by women...

Where I work, they do a pretty good job of hiring people from all walks of life...
But what if the corporate world only hired women? I think I know what would happen:

- Each year, every employee would get 10 vacation days, 15 sick days and 48 bad hair days. (You would be paid for bad hair days.)

- Every office would have its own bathroom, complete with make up mirror and the 1500 accessories that each woman "needs". The men's bathroom, required by law, is located somewhere in the basement. No one is sure where it is.

- Large, successful corporate mergers would often break up for unexplainable reasons, with one business simply stating they just needed some "space". That same business signs a new merger with a different business partner 12 hours later.

- "Company A" won't sell their product to "Company B" because "A" just wants to be friends.

- Once a month, the office manager storms into the office, calls her whole department assholes and fires everyone on the spot. The next day she hires everyone back like nothing happened. This happens every month.

- When Company B is looking to merge with Company A, Company A refuses the deal saying "its not you, its us".

- The corporate car is a 2003 Mitsubishi eclipse. They have 5000 of them.

- "Bring your kids to work day" is replaced by "Bring pictures of your kids to work day". Everyone sits in a big room and tells everyone how smart their giant mass of chromosomes is. 'He can pick himself up! Yeah, well so can mine, and he reads Shakespeare'

- The market is flooded by 1000s upon 1000s of new purse models each year.

- A success of a company is measured in "numbers of diamonds".

- When a company makes a bad merger and it fails, their excuse is often: "There aren't any nice companies out there." When its pointed out that they refused a merger with a nice company 6 months earlier, they have nothing to say, except "oh, sorry, do you want to merge now?"

- Large corporate decisions are based on "feelings". Numbers? Thats shits too complicated. Coincidentally, large investments are often made in precious stones.

- Lunch is three and a half hours long.

- The work day is 9:30ish to 4ish. Give or take 2 hours.

- Corporate benefits include a baby sitter and a divorce lawyer, on site.

- Company A will often break a merger with Company B, so that Company A can merge with Company C. Company C is bankrupt and filled with corrupt employees, but Company A thinks Company C is "so cute".

- The water fountain flows chocolate. Well, its supposed to. When they were told it wouldn't work they had it installed anyway. What the hell does anyone else know anyway? When they have to have it taken out, they blame it on the installer.

- No one really knows what anyone else does, but everyone sure as hell knows Debra is sleeping with Bob.

- Fire drills involve everyone meeting at Starbucks, then sitting there until the end of the day...just in case the building was REALLY on fire.

- No one works through desperate housewives...ever. American Idol is a month long holiday...paid.

And that's that.

20 items or less...

2008-09-15T17:57:00.000-05:00

20 items or less...

...is not a fucking express lane.

Seriously.

1. I was in walmart a couple of weeks ago...I need 2 items...note...TWO. My objective? Get in and get the fuck out. I hate walmart so I grabbed my 2 items, dodged 12 welfare kids and made my way to the front. My eyes scanned each lane for the shortest line only to find each one was a mile fucking long. "Who the hell are running these lines? Drunk Parapalegics?" I thought. "Surely there has to be an express lane." "Oh there it is.........what....the...fuck.". On a sign above the express lane it says, and I quote, "Express Lane: 20 items or less only". 20 fucking items or less? TWENTY? At that point, why the FUCK would you even have an express lane? 90% of the people in the store HAVE LESS THAN 20 items. I have to stand somewhere so I pick the "express lane", and by express I mean "corpse operated". Also, the next person to bust out a check book instead of a check card is getting a face full of 9.99 DVDs. Its 2007 you dumb fucks. Upgrade to at least 1997.

2. You see a lot of interesting stuff when driving on the highway. Imagine my surprise when I pass an"ice sculpture truck". On the side of the truck it says "Ice Sculptures make great gifts!"....
...
No they don't. They fucking melt. I'd be pretty pissed if someone bought me an ice sculpture for a present. "Here's a giant melting waste of time!" "Hey! Thanks!"

3. I have XM radio so I don't have to listen to the waste of radio frequencies that is FM radio. Every once in a while I have to use the FM while I charge the multitude of electronic gadgets in my car. During a commercial break a non-profit organization comes on the air to advertise their official "Week without Violence". Thats kind of a retarded thing to say. By logical definition there now has to be a "Week of Violence". I think a week of violence would fucking rock. "Arm your bayonets boys and girls, were going fuck up the neighbors...then go shopping!"

4. One drawback to XM radio is the "premium" channels like comedy and cable news have commercial blocks. You usually have to put up with low budget bullshit like quick rich schemes and real estate deals. Every once in a while you get a real gem that just shines of shittyness. For example: "Herbal Viagara". First off, if you buy into that you need you probably believe the moon landings were staged (see also: morons). Anyway, the announcer in the commercials claims that "30 to 60% of all men suffer from erectile dysfucntion". 30 to 60% huh? Did we suddenly allow anyone and everyone the radio to just start making shit up? How can anyone even make that claim? Thats millions upon millions of people. Whats next? 40% to 80% of all people under the age of 20 might be susceptible to SARS? (Weren't we all supposed to die of "sars" and the bird flu a couple years back? What ever happened to that? Oh yeah thats right, it got replaced by man made global warming. EVERYONE PANIC.)

Things that will still suck in 2007...

2007-01-25T00:49:00.000-05:00

Things that will still suck in 2007...
Current mood: 0mg lollerskates

Yeah I know. Its 2007. Time for a new start huh? We all made new years resolutions like eating less, not being an asshole, and attending the strip joint only 10 times this year. Well, good luck with all those. I didn't make any new years resolutions because I don't believe just because some flashing ball fell to the ground in new york that suddenly I have to go out and start changing myself (and we all know new years resolutions have about the same chance of working as MTV being cancelled. On that note...unfortunately MTV will never die and will persist on being a complete suck fest of pop and bubble gum high school tunes reminding me every day that humanity is totally fucked...more on that later...)

On to the things that will still suck in 2007...

1. Sony's Playstation 3.
After the incredible success of the playstation 2 you would think Sony could follow up with another successful system, building upon the basic foundation that gamers want to play games. Sony was pretty much handed a free ticket to do whatever they wanted with the playstation 3 and people would buy it. Hell, there was only 1 or 2 things Sony could of done to fuck up the playstation 3, but ppfffffttt, what are the chances that a successful corporation like Sony could fuck up something as SIMPLE as the playstation 3? Apparently pretty fucking high. Those bafoons at Sony took everything we liked about the playstation 2, you know...like playing video games, and threw it right out with the digital trash. What we got a was literally a gamer's nightmare. A $600 pile of trash that plays blu-ray movies. What the FUCK am I going to do with a blu-ray player? Save it for a rainy day? Stack books on it? Chances are YOU don't even know what blu-ray is. Blu-ray is Sony's version of high def dvd's. You know what high def is...its those channels you can't watch because you need a second mortgage to buy a television that handles high def. Screw Sony and the Playstation 3, I'll be bowling on my Nintendo Wii all year...

2. Fall Out Boy
Holy fuck. These retards just won't go away. I thought after one teeny bopper album filled with slick lyrics like "yoour da mmmm suga nutz baseball goin dun sleepin..." that people would get sick of them. I am so fucking sick of high school bubble gum pop alternative. I don't know what else to call it! Every video is the god damn same. It has some lonely boy and some popular girl and all the boy wants to do is talk to his crush. Then at the end of the video she notices him and they dance or kiss or some bullshit like that. Well, not only is the music -fucking terrible- but they fail to show in the video that 5 minutes later that same girl is behind the bleachers giving the high school quarterback his 3rd blow job of the day. Oh, and let me clue you people in something. They don't write their own music. I repeat, THEY DON'T WRITE THEIR OWN MUSIC. All their music is written by stuffy producers who want one thing...more of your money. I've got to hand it to them, they really fooled the fuck outta you.

3. Gigantic SUVs
I'm not talking about the small ones, or even the medium ones that borderline on "unecessary". I am talking about those giant fucking urban assault vehicles that could hold the 1986 Denver Broncos and the 1992 Pittsburgh penguins, AND getting a "modern" 2 miles to the gallon. All the while this thing is driven by some snooty soccer mom whos main goals in life are talking on the cell phone, driving her bratty kids around and narrowly avoiding the slaughter of 1000s of innocent pedestrians. I can't make this next part up: I was on my way to the airport when this giant white hummer pulls up next to me. The opposing traffic light turns red and this maniac fires up his/her road tank and drives right through the intersection, while all 4 lights were red. WTF asshole. Let me make one thing clear, no one needs a fucking Hummer. There is nothing wrong with a little excess and having a some fun, but when you feel the need to buy a military class vehicle just to drive around town you have some serious issues. Driving a Hummer doesn't impress anyone, it just makes you look like a pretentious dick.

4. Myspace Bulletins
Unless you have something specific to send me, STOP FORWARDING ME THIS SHIT!! Tom isn't going to cancel myspace you fucking morons. I'm sure the guys an asshole, but c'mon people...he posts almost everyday to STOP forwarding that shit.

And now for the quick list...I won't go into these, just trust me that they suck:
verizon dsl
"pro" roller hockey
getting up early
moving large objects
moving a lot of small objects
movin a lot of large objects long distances
MTV and MTV2
VH1
Anything reality TV
American Idol
taxes

...and there you have it. Now go get yourself a Nintendo Wii and take the some of the suck out of 2007.

Living in PA

2006-11-20T18:52:00.001-05:00

Living in PA

Every day I get some brand new bulletin regarding how a person can tell "they're from PA", Erie, or Northwest PA. Each one if filled with the same familiar lines like..."we call it pop, not soda" and "its snows all the time". Yeah, yeah..ok, we get it. Everyone here apparently likes camping and eating subs, not hoagies. Since I have seen the same boring ass list rehashed 400 times I have decided to compile my own. (Yes I am on a "list" kick, I think they are easier to read and quite frankly, its easier to write)

1. In northwest PA, high school football is very, very, VERY important after you leave high school. Every time I take a trip back to my hometown someone (who doesn't have a kid in the game) asks me "Hey, did you hear about the Oilers tonight?" or "Hey did you go the football game??" Um...no...of course I didn't. Why would I? I don't give one flying fuck about my old high school football team. I don't care if they lose every single game this season, or last season. Let me clue you in on something...ok, you ready for this...wait for it...ITS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL. Yeah...I USED to go to the games. When I was...in high school. Johnny Smith threw for 9000 yards today? Wow great, 20 bucks says Johnny can't pass english but since he's in with the teacher he'll pass with a hard earned C+. Fuck high school football.

2. Every asshole who drives a Honda thinks he is co-starring in the Fast and Furious 4: Redneck Drift. What the fuck is going on with this trend? It SHOULD of died out 4 years ago...but it hasn't!? I'm completely lost here. You bought a FOUR CYLINDER honda civic, put on a carbon fiber hood, bolted a small airplane to the trunk, painted half of it and got some mad tight spinners? Are you out of your mind? Have you even looked at your car? It looks like junkyard exploded and when the pieces came raining down they randomly formed what resembles a...car. These are the same asshats that pack 17 people into the car, ride around town and pretend they are "hard". The only thing hard is the wall you just ran into because you were busy showing off your mad tight street racing skills, punk. "But Joe...you drive a wrx with a wing and hoodscoop!" I get that shit all the time when I complain about ricers. Just in case you need refresher, my car was bought that way, from the factory, and both items are functional and necessary for proper operation of the automobile.

ok, here is lighter one...

3. You can buy a multi million dollar mansion for slightly more than the price of a McDonalds value meal. Seriously. Welcome to Northwest PA, the land that time forgot. Its 2006 and housing prices haven't gone up since 1955. In case you don't live around here and need a little background information let me fill you in. When the oil industry was booming, 100s of rich oil executives lived in the Oil City, Franklin, Titusville, Erie area. They built victorian mansions, 4 bedrooms, 5 baths, 3 stories, high ceilings, exotic pets, 3 ring circus, the works. Then these assholes decided to carve up the wealth, sell everything and get the fuck out of PA. Land and housing values fell faster than you can say "Oiler Football". Now we have million dollar victorian homes selling in the hundred thousand range. Its like a God damn time warp. Come to the Oil City area and be teleported 50 years into the past, well at least the housing prices will make it look that way.

4. Everyone not driving a riced out civic is driving a mammoth rural assault vehicle. Tell me, is your triple flare side, ford F-10000 really necessary? I don't know how people even get around in those things...by the time you reach the end of your driveway you are out of gas.

And there ya have it, 4 signs of living in NWPA. But I will give you one thing, like all the other lists say, its about to get really fucking cold. But at least I can do donuts in your parking lot to pass the time. I'll see you folks around town...biggest drinking holiday of the year coming up...

Get rid of:

2006-09-19T17:48:00.000-05:00

Please get rid of:

Walmart.
I fucking hate walmart. If Sam Walton could see what has become of his beloved dream to provide everyday products at low, low prices...he'd probably have a heart attack. Of course that makes his resurrection kind of pointless, but still...you get the idea. Walmart has become a cesspool of low quality products being fought over by a another cesspool of white trash degenerates. If I am forced to buy something at walmart (see also: too lazy to drive anywhere else) I try to get in and out as fast as possible. Thats often made impossible by the fact that they have 2 registers open. Register 1....and register 45 which is located approximately 7 light years from register 1. Register 1 is usually filled with those oh-so-sneaky people who like to take 15 items through the "12 items or less" lane. Trust me, we see you, and we hate you. The only person who is allowed to take more than 12 items in the express lane is Chuck Norris...and maybe Optimus Prime.

Local News:
Does anything piss you off more than the local news? I swear there can't anything more mind numbing that watching that shit. Seriously. They must have someone sit in a room for 12 hours a day and think of the most insane shit that will scare the hell out of parents and old people. Every single night of the week they have some absolutely bogus "highlight" on some completely unrealistic problem...like..."Could ninjas be threating your children at school?", "Pirates steal flu vaccine, news at 11" or "Myspace filled with 8 billion sexual predators."
I swear this is exactly how a conversation went that I had with my dad and sister after he discovered she had a "myspace" account:
Dad: Katie! Get over here!
Sister: What Dad? Its just a myspace account, a lot of people have them.
Dad: I saw that news show, the only people who use myspace are rapists, perverts, sexual predators, killers, weirdos, and druggies!
Me: Dad...I have an account.
Dad: ...well...um...God damn kids...
I'm just waiting for the day when the local news station highlights "Breathing, and why you should stop."

Hillary Clinton:
Who the FUCK actually voted for this insane bitch? Because each of you who did can bite me and every single other SANE person in this country. Just a few months she proposed lowering the COUNTRY WIDE speed limit to 55 mph to...wait for it...wait for it...save-fucking-gasoline. What? Are you fucking serious? She really thought that LOWERING the speed limit would save gasoline. The day a white speed limit sign actually saves me gasoline is the day I stop driving, because if you have that kind of technology in a fucking road sign, I could just teleport to where I wanted to go. No one drives 55. Nobody.
Her latest campaign is funding a study to research the affects of video game violence on children. If the results of the study show video games affect children, then the government will have a greater hand in what we put on our shelves at the store, for adults to buy. What the fuck? We all know what the study will conclude..she funded the God damn thing. And by "study" I mean 5 crotchety old men, 3 divorced women baby boomers, and 1 asshole sitting in a room, complaining about rock and roll, kids, and video games. Its like reefer madness all over again. Hillary Clinton. You suck.

People who make SLOW right turns.
You all know and love these assholes. These are the utter retards who have to come to complete-fucking-stop before turning into their driveways. Is you driveway made of ice? Marbles? Teflon? Anything that would induce such ridiculously insane behavior? NO! Fucking make your turn and get off the road!

And thats that...

1 billion???111

2006-09-11T17:19:00.000-05:00

Holy Fuck. 1 billion????

My myspace network just reached 1,000,000,008 members!? I can't write now...I'm at work, but god damn...that sure as hell is a lot of people. Thats probably over 500 million poorly designed, hard to read, non-contrasting, picture laden, emo lovin, self promotin web pages! I am truly amazed by myspace. Its like instant messanger from hell.

Update:
Ok that network number from yesterday had to be wrong. NO way it was right. Its back to about 100,000,000 today. That makes me feel better. Because when we hit 1 billion myspace members...humanity is probably close to annihilation. (Thats still 50 million pages dedicated to emo.)

I always thought the leader of Iran should have a myspace. He could post pics of himself partying, declaring war against the infidels, and just chillin with his closest friends. He already has a blog, now all he needs to be complete is myspace. In fact, he should MOVE his blog to myspace. That way he can add the really important features like "current music" and "current mood". So when the nuclear talks aren't going so well, he can post things like:

Current Mood: Frustrated
Current Music: My chemical romance (emo, of course)

So today the US was all like, you can't have nukes, and I was all like...no way! They just don't understand. No one loves me.

-------

Ok, well I must be off. I've only adjusted my profile 8 times today, and no one likes an idle profile!

Meetings! Al Qaida Style!

2006-06-12T18:04:00.000-05:00

You know, they print just about ANYTHING related to terrorism and Al Qaida it is, no matter how painfully dull or stupid the article is. Take for example the latest news from MSNBC:

"Al Qaida meets and decides to continues insurgency in Iraq"

Oh...they did? You mean they had a fucking meeting to decide that? As if the insurgents in Iraq were just sittin around, all bummed out that we blew up Al Zarqawi, when they held a meeting to decide if they would continue their insurgency. And if they did have a meeting, what were the other options??
I imagine they had a small chalk board with these options on it:

A. Jihad
B. Jihad
C. Jihad.
D. Not Jihad.

The High Council voted and Jihad won by a vote of 7-1. Coincidently the one guy who voted D was immediately shot in the face. Poor guy didn't even see it coming, he was kind of concerned about having 2 - 500lb bombs dropped on his stucco. Ah...the voice of reason...often the most drown out voice in the crowd. And if your crowd consists of Islamic Totalitarianists often its the most dead.

So what else do they do at their meetings? I would believe one poor guy has to keep meeting notes. Because how else would these guys keep track of all the important decisions they had to make in meetings past? "Hey Al Hamza, do you remember if we declared 'Death to the Zionist Invaders' last December or was it January? Oh hold on, let me check the meeting notes!"

And of course you have to have the guy who gives the powerpoint presentation. "Our 'explosive filled car' was a great seller this year...but unfortunately our 'make your own bomb' kit did not hit expectations. We believe it may be due to the fact that we didn't include directions...our marketing department is working on it now."

Then the final section of the meeting: Declare a new leader! And what better way to do it but to declare it publicly on the internet! Guess you gotta keep your stockholders happy. Stock kinda fell when Al Zarqawi's "safe house" wasn't very safe anymore.

The opposite of funny is Larry the Cable Guy

2006-04-14T20:56:00.000-05:00

When is this "Larry the Cable Guy" shit going to stop? Every fucking time I turn around some dumbass is STILL yelling "git-r-done". I swear for a while people were just throwing it around for any menial task:
Going out? Git-r-done!
Banging some chick? Git-r-done!
Doing your laundry? Git-r-done!
Fucking sleeping? Git-r-done!

It has lasted longer than that stupid fucking "yyyeaaaaaaahhhhh" craze. Look pal...I am walking right over there...don't tell me to 'git-r-done'....there is nothing to do and I will be right back.

What makes this even worse is the fact that LTCC isn't even funny. His jokes are mind numbingly stupid. You can see the punch lines coming 10 minutes before his act even starts. He re-hashes the same "I'm a stupid redneck joke every single fucking time hes on stage". Every joke follows the exact same pattern. Part 1: "Well this one time..." Part 2: "So then I did something stupid..." Part 3: "I just don't understand these complicated things, I am just a simple redneck!" *OH That was a real zinger!*

Nothing pisses me off more than when he says "thats a funny joke right there" or "you have to laugh at that one". As if he has to reassure his audience that he is still funny and its "ok" to laugh at the same dumb ass redneck shit over and over again.

I can't believe that gave this guy his own movie. Why would anyone want to watch 2 hours of LTCC's re-hashed jokes all the while his pants are falling down. I could find funnier shit in 2 hours of Lifetime. Seriously...

Fuck the people who say Fuck the troops

2006-03-16T18:38:00.000-05:00

Anyone who has any kind of political stance that says anything along the lines of "Fuck the troops, they aren't fighting for me" is an ignorant, self centered piece of shit.

They ARE fighting for you. Every single person who VOLUNTEERS for the army ensures that we keep it a VOLUNTEER army. Every time they volunteer it keeps your bitch ass from being drafted.

Wake up and smell the gun powder asshole.

The Avon Superbowl

2006-02-06T19:47:00.000-05:00

You have to wonder who at Avon decided that the Superbowl was a good place to showcase their new "Self Esteem" campaign. You also have to wonder how high they were...

Avon Self Esteem? During the Superbowl. um...WHAT!!?? Apparently the marketing department at Avon thought the Super Bowl was watched by depressed middle aged housewives. Where will they air that ad next? Spike TV? Sounds like they got a real good lock on their target market. I hear the x games are looking to fill a few commercial spots next year.

Lets also not forget this commercial cost Avon 2.5 million dollars. 2.5 million dollars for what? A lovey-dovey-feel-good-even-though-im-fat commercial? Lets repeat this point. Avon spent 2.5 MILLION dollars, during the Superbowl, to remind over weight women to feel good about themselves. At what point does ANY of that make ANY sense. Not only did it rank as one of the worst Super Bowl commercials ever, but it was a purely underhanded and sneaky campaign to prey on the vulnerabilities of over weight women. (not like any of them actually saw it anyway)

One of the major problems of our country today is the fact that no one seems to want to do anything about their own problems. They want people to a) solve their problems for them or b) have someone tell them that it is "ok" to be different, regardless of what your difference is. What a pile a bullshit. Do you really think that the execs at Avon were out feeding the poor, giving to charity when one of them thought: "You know, the self esteem in this country isn't nearly high enough...lets change that with a Super Bowl ad compaign!" No, of-fucking-course not!

This was their thought process: We have a whole lot of over weight women in this country who are struggling with their self esteem. They fit into that perfect apathetic American demographic. Plenty of these women aren't going to do anything about their appearance but like your typical woman, they still buy "beauty products". So what do we do? Thats easy. We tell them they are beautiful regardless of what they look like, get some "ugly" models, jack up our prices and laugh the whole way to the bank.

These execs don't give a shit what you look like. They don't give a shit about your self esteem. They care about one thing...money. Most women control the wallet in the household and they know how to get it. As far as I am concerned the oil companies look like saints compared to the execs at Avon. The damn oil companies admit they are just in it to bang a few billion dollars home and make a profit. Fuck, at least they're truthful!

Lastly it is ultimately consumer's fault for allowing this to happen. If you go out and buy this crap by Avon not only are you giving up but you are giving in. Wake up and change yourself. Stop letting these companies tell us what is "ok".

today's collection of spam

2006-01-23T17:42:00.000-05:00

I figured that I would post some of the more amusing spam messages I get...

Its shag time baby! (oh finally!)
b00tycall (written in internet elite speak of course...)
LOveWildsex (who doesn't?)
viagaerectus (must be an advertisement for latin classes...)
0ldbagz (oh I can't wait to open this one up!)
-Adult-Webcam-party- (Must be some kind of business meeting)
wowzers! (um...Wow!)

Mind you this is the email address I have had since 1997. Yeah..I remember when the internet was just text. Just text and MAYBE a picture here and there. I'd say the biggest change from 1997 to 2005 isn't with the internet, but with the number of useless morons who talk about reality tv and hollywood actors/actresses on the internet. Message boards are filled with useless threads titled "OMG did you see Surviver last nite!!11??11" Like survivor has any effect on your day to day business.

I have purchased a domain name. Website coming soon, and by soon I mean whenever I feel like it.

Merry Christmas

2005-12-26T22:59:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas!...and for God sakes stop saying "happy holidays". Its that PC bullshit that is ruining this country.

Believe it or not, we are making progress in Iraq

2005-11-27T20:33:00.000-05:00

I am probably 1 of the 17 Americans who still supports the Iraq war.

What the rest of you wave your protest flags and ask Cindy Sheehan for autographs, I try and educate myself on what is really going on. Take a look at aljazeera.net sometime. It makes fox news look like the most accurate news channel...ever.

Every once in a while I come upon a really good article on the war.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10219753/site/newsweek/

I suggest you read that.

myspace revolution 2

2005-10-19T16:59:00.000-05:00

This has been reposted as a bulletin after receiving numerous requests via email and a few kudos on my myspace profile. You people need a wake up call. And I am about to give it to you.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Current mood: posting moods is for retards

OK people. It has come to my attention that some of you can't understand basic internet "etiquette".
STOP FUCKING WITH YOUR MYSPACE HOME PAGE.

1. Stop putting a video on your homepage. I really don't give a shit about some shitty band you like. No really, I don't. Stop being so fucking trendy.

2. Use contrasting colors...is it really that hard to understand. I may be color blind but its pretty hard for anyone to read pink on purple, or blue on pink or any other shitty combinations you people tend to love.

3. Use a solid-fucking-background. Flower petals or stripes make it really hard to read your page. Don't you ever look at it yourself??? Don't you ever look at the preview and say "oh wow, that really does look like shit"

4. Stop posting every fucking book you've read and every single "note" about yourself. Not only do most people not care, but your page becomes unreadable...because its 4 fucking pages long. Seriously...I don't care if your dog died when you were 4. No one does.

Pass this on...it may actually save Myspace from being taken over by countless morons....well, that may be inevitable anyway....

25 and counting

2005-10-15T00:10:00.000-05:00

At 25 I came to a realization in my life... I am going to be brutally honest here. And by brutally I mean really really really fucking honest. I am looking for a girl who is hot as hell and really smart. She can't be some bar floozy who hunts frat guys for a living. All available candidates must be able to talk actively about politics, technology and/or career goals.

Candidates must possess an active taste in music. "I like all music" is a bullshit, shallow excuse for shallow people. No one likes "all music". Good looks are a must. NO exceptions in this area will be accepted. Typical candidates will be 5'9" or under and be fit/slim/in good health. The first thing people notice about other people is the way they look and present themselves. Anyone who tells you otherwise a liar. If I am going to date you I must be satisfied with the way you look...as I would expect you to be satisfied with me.

If at any time you have made money the center of your life, do not apply. I enjoy money as much as the next person, but I refuse to base any relationship around the amount of money I make. It is people like you who divorce in 2 years taking half of everything you can get your hands on. And that is who i'd like to meet. Good day.

asian bird BS

2005-10-08T16:59:00.000-05:00

Every time I turn on the news all I hear is about how we are all going to die from asian bird flu. (Or Avian Bird Flu)

Reality Check. I used to remember a little disease that was also going to kill us all. It was called SARS and what happened? NOTHING. We boil our meat here in the US. Seems to be a good cure to me.

Mark these words. The united states is not going to be affected by asian bird flu. So stop running around, stop putting it on TV and damnit...stop telling me we aren't prepared. I am willing to bet anyone $1000 it won't do shit to us. If you can cook chicken, you're ready to defend yourself against the big bad bird flu.

You probably have a better chance of catching SARS. Seriously.

where did i go?

2005-09-20T21:34:00.000-05:00

In case you were wondering where I went...

I live in Erie, PA now. I got a great job at a real company. I am a systems analyst now. I actually don't surf the internet all day...

With that said, the women here haven't changed since college.
Fundamental Law of the Universe #47385: The hotter a woman is the harder she will be to meet/get along with/keep.

Hey I don't make this shit up, its physics people.

UPDATE: I still surf the internet all day.

Reality Check

2005-08-15T15:57:00.000-05:00

Do you like reality television? Do you WATCH reality television. Well the following "definitions" were taken from http://www.urbandictionary.com . I feel most of them to be right on..basically you're a fool if you watch this crap.

Seriously. Stop it.

not reality at all- seriously, who the fuck gets stuck on an island & wins money for it? you'll never see two rich bitches working on a farm, real top models do not endure contests/ challenges, a popular ultra-chic chick will never be caught dead with a nerd, and none of these 'american idols' ever become legends.see shit
The surreal life, kept, strip search, fear factor, survivor, blow out, the bachelor, the bachelorette, beauty & the geek, the simple life, gastineau girls , americas next top model, american idol, pretty much every single fucking show- if you watch more than 3 of these on a regualr basis, you dont even have your own reality.
Source: lauren S, Rochester, NY, Jul 19, 2005

TV that in reality has very little, if anything, to do with do with anything based on reality.
Big Brother 1-5
Source: Canadamus Prime, Jun 22, 2004

Overhyped, overrated television shows which are in no way, shape, or form, real.
Survivor was the catalyst which has spawned all the crap reality TV show that you now see on nearly every channel on cable and satellite.
Source: Tiado, Jun 22, 2004

a supposid "Television Show" in which the "cast" are all 20 something attention-starved Mediawhores/fags who daddys pulled strings to get them on TV and get everything they want off Daddys Credit Card and desrved to be shot or stabbed in the base of the skull with my bamboo stick - Spoilt Brats need to die!!!
Reality TV is full of 20 somethings starving for attention - i need me 9mm Glock to shoot there asses off the face of the earth!!
Source: Brother Number One, Oct 21, 2003

About as real as seeing a cat doing my tax papers while whistling Stravinsky's "The Rite of Spring" in A-minor.
Reality my ass.
Source: AYB, May 17, 2003

A truly saddening development of modern media. Programming which lacks any redeeming social, intellectual or moral value but is nonetheless poigniant in a macabre way due to the reflection it offers of a rapidly declining western culture. Primarily watched by mindless, brainwashed Americans who are long since bereft of any intelligent thought or recognizable human values (greed and self-interest notwithstanding).
Reality TV is one of the major reasons I decided to stop watching television entirely. That, and the fact that every news station in the country is owned by a very small number of rich white males who have absolutely no vested interest whatsoever in educating the public, offering useful information, or doing anything other than making more money than any human being could possibly have practical use for over several lifetimes.
Source: Erik Jacobson, USA, May 20, 2005

Like all forms of TV (except legitimate sports), reality TV is scripted. Oh, the dialogue may be improvised but the situations are scripted... CBS knows who's gonna win "Survivor" before they even film it! The first season of "The Real World" (back in 1992) may not have been scripted... but every single so-called reality TV show since then was! You think Viacom or News Corp or Disney or General Electric is gonna finance a show if it ain't a sure thing?
I think we should combine a few reality TV shows. Let's broadcast the true story of 16 sorority girls (ages 18 to 23) picked to live on a tropical island who are competing for the affections of a wealthy, handsome bachelor...IN A DEATH MATCH THUNDERDOME TOURNAMENT!
Source: Terra Imperator, May 21, 2004

Shows that get their entertainment value from the fake suffering of the cast members going through "real life" situations that never happen in the first place.
Joe Millionaire licks ballsack.
Source: poopie face, Apr 26, 2003

T.V shows that show real people doing what real people really would never do!
People being "stranded" on an island with fifteen other people and have to do challenges so you don't get "voted off"!
Source: Alex, Mar 3, 2003

Dick Chesnut

2005-07-29T10:38:00.000-05:00

I have so many things I need to explain to you fools...where should I start...

How about Kenny Chesney. The source of all evil? Sounds good to me.

This country's fixation on this man has got to stop. Right fucking now. He is the bane of human existance and he is turning us into drooling morons who can't think for ourselves.

Here's my beef with mr. chesnut. First off, country "music" (if you can call it that) is fucking terrible. Everyone knows it, so stop trying to deny it. Country music is the equivalent of "modern rock". A bunch of talentless rich assholes get together to write music for the simple minded and presumably very stupid. They KNOW you will listen to it, and it takes them 2.3 seconds to complete a song...cha ching!

Lets examine your typical "country music" fan. Ask any of them WHY they like country music and they can't even fucking tell you. Typically you get a resonse like this: "well...i dunno...i just sorta like it. The lyrics are really good and stuff and they sing about stuff i like." AAAHHH. Now I get it! What does that say about us as a nation? We enjoy broken trucks, divorces and being broke?? Fuck that...

Have you ever noticed that anyone who knows ANYTHING about music (writing, composing, playing) doesn't listen to country? That because they know better. They KNOW that country music is bullshit. Plain and simple. Every country song is exactly the same, with the exact same chords and exact same bullshit. In fact, its so simple...I'll write a song right now...

Verse:
Shes a country girl
She like the stars
Country girl with a big truck
Oh shes a country girl

oooooooooooooooohh country girl
oooooooooooooooohh country girl
oooooooooooooooohh country girl

See how simple that was? Anyone can do it! Give it a try yourself!
Only shallow, money hungry assholes write country music.

Ask any girl between the ages of 16 and 45 about Kenny Chesney. She'll barely be able to speak and finish a sentence, mainly because its filled with words such as "like, wow, omg, he's like, so hot, too hot, he's gonna be my husband." I'm getting headache just thinking about it. C'mon ladies...what does that say about you? He's not going to be your husband, and he doesn't give a flying fuck about you, me or anyone else. He cares about 1 thing...money...and he wants more of YOUR money.

Look at the same girl's profile on AIM and it usually contains the same horseshit babble. "OMG, i'm going to teh Kenny Chesny concert!!!1111 he's so hot!!111 I bet you are all jealous...OMG...smiley face x 50"

Look at any of the 1000s of pictures of Kenny Chesney available on the internet. He's not a fucking cowboy...look at that shirt. Cowboys don't wear skin tight t-shirts from the GAP. You shallow asshole. I just think its hilarious that people even relate him with the "ol west". I'm sure he is real concerned with roping cattle while putting his makeup on.

Bottom line...Kenny Chesney is a shallow self serving asshole and so are you for listening to him.

A Quickee.

2005-06-22T14:59:00.000-05:00

The following is some of the greatest displays of intelligence I have ever seen in an instant messenger profile (in bold for the idiots out there...) :

OMG "boys suck" night is only ONE DAY AWAY!!!!

OMG You're Retarded!!!

@ the mall with my girl Anna.... yeah it's only been a day and we can't seem to live without each other!!

Wow! Superficial relationships are great!! @ the mall!!!

Just a quickee today folks...

Robocops: "That'll show those teenage punks!!"

2005-06-07T12:45:00.000-05:00

For years I have been seen the police in this country abuse their powers more and more. Looks like this stuff is finally making the papers. It seems like every other day we have some new "task enforcement agency" designed to deter anyone breathing from having any kind of fun, or create revenue for the state for some easily forgettable task.

Just lask week I was stopped on my way home on a business trip...for a seatbelt check...of all things. (I passed, stop it...) They had traffic backed up for at least a mile and were using city AND state cops to make sure people were wearing their fucking seatbelts! And now they want to raise taxes around here? To support this shit? You've got to be kidding. The funny part is, anyone 50 feet back from the stop could simply...PUT THEIR FUCKING SEAT BELT ON WHILE THEY SAT THERE. The only people pulled off the road were old people. Then they gave them a good electro-taser blast to show those law breakers not to mess with the new PA seatbelt law. "Think not wearing your seatbelt is funny?" ZZAAAPPP Take that law-breaker!

Anyway, I digress...Here is the article I am talking about:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/06/06/AR2005060601652.html

Police Ticket Cars In Lieu of Teens
Liquor Fears at Md. Party Unfounded
By Nancy Trejos and Daniel de ViseWashington Post Staff WritersTuesday, June 7, 2005; Page B04

Anna Phelan and Emily Adams wanted to end their four years at Bethesda-Chevy Chase High School with a memorable backyard graduation party.
There was a blues band, a moon bounce, a popcorn machine and a pit for making s'mores. Guests feasted on hot dogs, hamburgers and bratwurst. There was plenty of ginger ale, cranberry juice and root beer to go around. What there wasn't plenty of was alcohol.

"It was pretty low-key, and it was just sweet," Margaret Engel Adams, Emily's mother, said of the party for about 80 friends and relatives. "It was just pretty much out of Norman Rockwell."
All that changed about 9:30 p.m. Thursday, Adams said, when a Montgomery County police officer knocked on the Phelans' door, in the 4600 block of Rosedale Avenue in Bethesda, to say that someone had complained about the noise. The officer then asked Anna's mother, Kathy Phelan, if he and several other officers could give breath tests to the teenagers. She refused.
So police stationed patrol cars at each end of her street, six in all, and began giving the tests to guests as they left the party, she said. None of the teenagers tested positive for alcohol, she said.
Officers then began ticketing vehicles parked outside the Phelans' house, she said, including ones that belonged to neighbors who weren't at her party. Some vehicles were ticketed for a wheel improperly touching a curb or for extending into a driveway. Emily Adams, 18, received a $35 parking ticket; her Honda Odyssey minivan was parked directly in front of the Phelans' home.
"It almost seemed like they were angry that they didn't find anything," Kathy Phelan said.
The officers were part of an Alcohol Enforcement Section that combs the county around holidays and during prom season to guard against underage drinking. The eight-officer unit checks bars and restaurants and responds to citizen complaints when house parties appear to involve underage drinking.
"When they get calls that there may be underage drinking, their response is to investigate it," said Lt. Eric Burnett, a police spokesman. "We're trying to prevent teen deaths."
Margaret Adams and Kathy Phelan have written a letter to Montgomery Police Chief J. Thomas Manger and several other county officials. They are seeking disciplinary action against the officers and apologies to their daughters, best friends since middle school who graduated from Bethesda-Chevy Chase High School on Wednesday.
Burnett said that it was too early to discuss the allegations of the party hosts but that the incident was under investigation and that any proven misconduct would result in disciplinary action.
He said it is standard procedure for alcohol enforcement officers to cordon off a block if they are denied access to a property where they suspect underage drinking is happening. He added that the parking infractions described in the letter "are tickets that you can actually receive. We can't just make this stuff up."
Phelan said police never asked her if there was alcohol in the house. There was a small amount of beer at the party -- for adults -- but it was kept in the kitchen. The teenagers couldn't get to it without walking past an adult, she said.
John King, assistant Montgomery police chief, said the alcohol enforcement officers had "some indicators" of underage drinking at the party. "But it turned out those indicators were wrong."
Ryan Hamm, 17, said he was tested as he walked from the house to his car. No alcohol was detected, he said.
"We were like making s'mores in the back and they had cake," he said. "It was just like people talking and a band playing, and it was fun."

To protect and serve......their own hidden agenda.

Stop with the Star Wars Cheerios

2005-05-23T15:10:00.000-05:00

Stop putting the star wars crap on EVERYTHING!!!!

I am so sick of seeing stars wars candy bars, t-shirts and star wars fucking cheerios that I refuse to watch the 3rd movie. We all know what happens anyway. In case you haven't seen it, (and I haven't) here are all the spoilers...

1. Anakin gets pissed off because he's a sappy momma's boy. Queen whats-her-name has him totally whipped.

2. Apparently the sith are totally badass and kill all the jedi knights. And apparently all those losses the "empire to be" took in the first 2 shitty films were all part of their evil scheme. YES, good idea...get half your army killed, then take over the galaxy.

3. Obi Won (the only jedi knight besides yoda who isn't a total wanker) kicks anakin's ass for being a total pussy and whining and crying all the time. He chops off all his arms and legs, but accidently leaves him alive or something.

4. Emporer Palpatine (now super evil emporer that we all know) rebuilds anakin as Darth Vader so hes not a total pussy anymore.

5. Yoda is still old.

6. 30 seconds of ships that look like x-wings and tie-fighters so anyone with a BRAIN can stop saying "Hey wait a minute, how did the technology change so fast!!??" Nice try Lucas, I still call BULLSHIT.

I hate Star Wars Episodes 1-3.

Ode to the nice girls.

2005-04-13T01:03:00.000-05:00

This is to the "nice" girl who I talked to at the bar last week and even bought a drink for, but ditched me for the first frat boy douchebag that came along.This is to the "nice" girl whose computer I fixed, with whom I spent endless hours on AIM trying to figure out what her problem was, eventually fixing it and you couldn't even say "thank you"This is to the "nice" girl whom I showed how to use Direct Connect, and won't even share.This is to the "nice" girl who I took out on several dates and then tells me, "I just want to be friends", then next week is with all lovey lovey with a total fucking strangerThis is to the "nice" girl who decides to sleep with my friends while still dating meThis is to the "nice" girl who comes between friendsThis is to the "nice" girl, who says she will call me, but never does, and then comes up with the lamest excuses like, oh my phone charger died, and my internet was down.This is to the "nice" girl who says she doesn't have time for a relationship, yet she's out every weekend getting drunk and sucking ten dicks a week.This is to the "nice" girl who listens to her dumb cunt friends and can't think for herself.This is to the "nice" girl who took me from my friends and made me do her bidding before I came to my sensesThis is to the "nice" girl who gave my friend a nervous breakdown and made him leave schoolThis is to the "nice" girl who said she wanted to be a virgin til marriage, but broke up with me and fuckeded two guys at the same time last weekThis is to the "nice" girl who goes crazy when I'm talking to another girlThis is to the "nice" girl who says she has a boyfriend AFTER I take her home and have sex with herThis is to the "nice" girl who only goes for the assholes, but bitch because their boyfriend is an assholeThis is to the "nice" girl who practically jerks me off under the table during the date, but won't put out at homeThis is to the "nice" girl who bitches because I want to be with the guys even though I've spent almost the entire week with her, and conversely, gets mad at me when I want to spend time with the boys, but its ok for her and her girls to go outThis is to the "nice" girl who had the choice between the good and bad guy and went with the bad guy, and then got played by the bad guyThis is to the "nice" girl who helped contribute to the genre of emo music, God I fucking hate you.This is to the "nice" girl who dresses like a whore in freezing weather and then proceeds to bitch that all the guys are starting at her, you're dressed like a whore, expect to be stared at like oneThis is to the "nice" girl who called me last weekend knowing I would be drunk and horny, to ask me to sleep with her, but just wanted to sleep, fuckiing bitch, I'm not here to be your teddy bear.This is to the "nice" girl who gave me half a blowjob, now you know why I didn't call you back.This is to the "nice" girl who met my mom and then ripped my heart out, my mom thought you were a cunt and warned me about youThis is to the "nice" girl who I had to put a restraining order on, listen hun, when you just walk into my apartment and are sitting on my chair just staring at me, I'm gonna freak out a littleThis is to the "nice" girl who said she was a born again Christian, but suddenly got pregnant and got an abortion, remember, abortion kills childrenThis is to the "nice" girl who let me know she was cheating on me on Valentine's Day after I got her a ring, flowers and a dinner at a five star restaurant.This is to the "nice" girl who I slept with but then told everyone I raped herThis is to the "nice" girl who tells me she's late or pregnant, but really isn'tThis is to the "nice" girl who comes to me bitching about her boyfriendThis is to the "nice" girl who brought the fat chick who cockblocked me, bitchThis is to the "nice" girl who just start an argument because they want toThis is to the "nice" girl who start fights over the littlest fucking crapThis is to the "nice" girl who insists on going home from the party when we just got thereThis is to the "nice" girl who likes being a cocktease but never puts outThis is to the "nice" girl who gets mad because she wants it her wayThis is to the "nice" girl who plays all pretty and innocent; we all know you're a whoreThis is to the "nice" girl who complains about how her boyfriend sucks, but treats him like shitThis is to the "nice" girl who complains her boyfriend didn't get her enough for that special holiday, when he broke the bank trying to make her happyThis is to the "nice" girl who has the constant need to be the center of attentionThis is to the "nice" girl who practically makes you marry her before you even get to kiss herThis is to the "nice" girl who thinks she deserves more, we aren't a buffetThis is to the "nice" girl who gave me a fake numberThis is to the "nice" girl who rants and rave that chocolate solves all their problems, it only makes you fatThis is to the "nice" girl who prides herself on having a fat ass, its disgustingThis is to the "nice" girl who wears spandex, that gut makes you really attractive, that is if I had beer gogglesThis is to the "nice" girl who grabbed my ass but then got mad when I grabbed hersThis is to the "nice" girl who made me choose between her and my friendsThis is to the "nice" girl who insisted I make the decision on what to do tonight, but then got mad when I didThis is to the "nice" girl who says I'm selfish in the bedroom, yet doesn't do blowjobsThis is to the "nice" girl who made me feel guilty just because I was born a man, as if I was responsible for her gender being repressed for the past thousand yearsThis is to the "nice" girl who can't realize it’s overThis is to the "nice" girl who thinks that her best friends know all about relationships after a nice sleepover, there's a reason why all those girls are at a sleepover, because they don't have boyfriends, and why don't they have boyfriends? Because their take on a relationship prevents them from having a boyfriend.This goes out to the "nice" girl who stays with her abusive boyfriend but gets mad at me when I try to defend herThis goes out to the "nice" girl I took to prom that ditched me for the star quarterback This goes out to the "nice" girl who wants a guy with manners and whatnot but hate it when they are treated like princesses.This goes out to the "nice" girl who expects me to be a king in bed, a master chef, a billionaire, as handsome as a Hollywood starThis goes out to the "nice" girl who judges me on the car I drive or the money I makeThis goes out to the "nice" girl who expected me to get her a diamond ring, do you know that most diamonds are "blood" diamonds, meaning they fund wars, congrats, the terrorists have won, go put on a burqua.This goes out to the "nice" girl who got mad at the pornos she found on my computer, but yet got mad when I found her dildoThis goes out to the "nice" girl who expects me to eat her out, but won't give me a blowjobThis goes out to the "nice" girl who left me for that rich lawyer, yet wants the house I bought, the cars I bought and sole custody of the children we madeThis goes out to the "nice" girl who cheated on my friend while he was fighting for our freedom in Afghanistan This goes out to the "nice" girl who led me onThis is to the "nice" girl who ditched me at promThis is to the "nice" girl who flipped out because I didn't respond to her IM right awayThis goes out to all the "nice" girls: fuck you This is to the nice girl, oh fuck, you don't exist.

No I didn't write this. I borrowed it.

Women are pure concentrated evil

2005-04-02T12:25:00.000-05:00

UPDATE (4/6/2005): I unscrambled this post...I'm officially done with this bitch. I hope she sees this. Read it and all its glory. There was a bit of contact after it "ended" but like most women, was totally irrational and tried to play me like a fiddle. I'm OUT!

---------------------
Original Post:

The following is 100% no bullshit truth:

I had been dating this girl for about 3 weeks. She was younger, but that was ok as she seemed mature for her age. Everything started great. We went on dates, watched movies...regular warm up stuff. She even got real drunk one night and sent me this text message...and this is no joke:

"I wanna fuck now!"
From: J****** *****
1:08am 3/20/05

We would talk a lot on the phone because our schedules were tough to work around, but we did our best. Things got even better and we began to get more serious: Text Message Example #2:

"No seriously i want you to be totally comfortable with me. Not like oh she wants to get married and make babies"
From: J****** *****
9:53pm 3/28/05

I was at her house a few nights ago and we watched a movie. Things were going even better...it just felt like it was working. The proof was in the actions, the conversations, and the mood. We both had a great time. Then it all changed...

The next few days she was basically a ghost. Very short messages, no interaction, she wanted to hang out then suddenly she didn't. This was the last message I got from her:

"Hey sorry but dont want to see [you] any more please dont call or message anymore i will give movie back to brian bye"
From: J****** *****
4:55pm 4/1/05

I have asked for an explanation...anything to explain what happend! I feel I have the fucking right to know! All the wasted time and money, and for what? SoI can be treated like shit? I'm a fucking human being. I would never of done anything like that to her, even if I had fallen out of attraction for her. I would have the decency to explain my actions.

No further proof is needed. The jury has officially declared that women are indeed Pure Concentrated Evil. I give up. Fuck You.

This WAS in webdings. It was actually cooler that way...but since most ppl are computer retarded I had to change it back. Props to all those who read it while it was in webdings.

Why sir, must your drive your ROAD TANK, like an....ASSHOLE!!!!????

2005-03-24T11:17:00.000-05:00

Don't these people piss you off? They go out and buy $50,000 SUVS and then drive them slower than shit. I seem to be plagued by these total asshats.

What is the point of buying one, if you aren't going to drive the thing the way its meant to be driven? Every fucking time I am in a parking lot with one of these assholes they practically come to COMPLETE stop before hitting a speed bump. Theres me right behind, trying to use the speed bump as a ramp in my $25,000 WRX. Public service announcement...YOU DRIVE AN SUV! It can take it, trust me.

I know what the problem is. Its a status thing. We are plagued with all you 40+ post baby boomers who finally made it rich, and now you think you have the right to drive your OFF ROAD vehicle in the middle of traffic at 4 mph. Well you don't. Thats the whole problem with that generation. The gotta have huge stuff! Bigger houses, bigger boats, BIGGER SUVs. You don't really want an SUV but since it looks huge, it must be awesome. To make matters worse, I always see women driving these things because "my husband said they were safer." Well your husband is a moron. Not only is that car more dangerous for you and your 15 kids, but you have a better chance of killing someone when you hit them. Do you want to deal with that?

So when you see me on the highway passing you at barely over 60mph and I flip you the bird you will know why...speed up, or get outta my way.

today

2005-03-12T04:07:00.000-05:00

Today I was talking to my friend Chad (he's in iraq bombing evil arabs).
I realized something.

Take it real, keep it easy.

Holy shit, thats genius.

iPod = iCrap

2005-02-25T10:34:00.000-05:00

I have always hated the iPOd. Not only is it ridiculously expensive, but the commercials make me want to bash the creator in the face with a log. I don't understand the fixation over the iPod. ITS A GAWD DAMN MP3 player! I, in fact, have an mp3 player! It didn't cost $200-$300. I can buy a 200 gig HARD DRIVE for that! wtf is going on??? You package a shitty harddrive in a small colorful easter pink square and call it an iPod. Suddenly retarded people everywhere are going.."iPod iPod iPod iPod HOLY SHIT iPod!"

No one will ever need to carry 40,000 songs around with them. Thats just insane. In fact, the iPod gets even worse. They remove the features and call it a "feature" for the iPOd shuffle. I cannot take credit for this next bit, as it Brandon C's ideas from the NASIOC forums.

I'm there with you! The other thing that I never hear mentioned is that Apple only supports their proprietary security format (AAC) for purchased music. If you get your music anywhere else (Napster, MusicMatch, etc.), you can't put those songs on an iPod. So Apple pretty much says "If you don't buy it from us, you can't put it on our player." I guess that's good marketing for now, but at some point (hopefully) it will catch up to them.Don't even get me started on the Shuffle. "We're going to take out features (a screen), but make the lack of features a new feature!". What's next, the iGuess calculator? "All the fun and usefulness of a regular calculator, without that confusing screen! What's 12 times 12? 144....I guess!!"

Anyone who buys and iPod sucks.

The friends line.

2005-02-15T15:56:00.000-05:00

I just got the friends line.

SOMEONE PLEASE STAB ME IN THE FACE WITH A SPOON.

The real deal on valentines day

2005-02-14T11:32:00.000-05:00

Valentines day is for suckers. The bad part is that all those complaining about Valentines day are those who could/should be dating each other, but refuse for various reasons. Typical reasons include: "I just want to be friends", "I don't think of you that way", "I'm a dumb bitch" etc etc. But in the end, yes valentines day really is for suckers, and I for one am glad that I don't have to go out and spend $100+ on someone just because of some date on a calendar.

Frankly, I'd rather put gas in my car, pollute the environment, waste time and drive around like a caveman on PCP rather than deal with some bullshit from some female who didn't get enough roses.

Hope you spent your money well on Valentines day. I know I did. Sucker.

Halo 2 - A video game review that doesn't suck.

2005-01-25T16:01:00.000-05:00

Well, first off let me get this off my chest: The campaign mode blows ass. There are 2 good levels, 1 and 2. WTF Bungie. Everyone knows the Master Chief is a lean mean covenant ass kicking machine...but now I have to play as the covenant too!!?? What a fucking load of bullshit! You think the master chief would sit around and worry about some stupid civil war among the covenant, oh hell no...he'd shoot all the mother fuckers and use their old bases to build a giant galactic mansion. But now every other level I have to run around as some disfigured alien with shitty "invisibility". The Predator would eat these guys for breakfast.

So levels 3 through "who gives a shit" all suck. Either you have to play as the Covenant or you have to play a map that is so freaking boring that I had more excitement waiting for emails from my boss. (Yes I have a job). What happened to all the warthogs? In halo 1 you had a new warthog every 10 feet. Everyone who doesn't suck at video games knows the warthog totally 0wnz everything. Now you get to drive shitty covenant vehicles. The worst is the cross between a mortar and a tank. yes, I often like to shoot my shells into the air 50 feet for no apparent reason.

And for some reason, the master chief STILL CAN'T SWIM!!!!???1111 He is wearing gazillion dollar battle armor but he can't swim. Oh that makes a lot of fucking sense. Looks like storming the beaches is out of the question.

Now onto the multiplayer:

The weapons are so badely unbalanced, it makes every map a newbie's dream. The sniper rifles are the ONLY weapon that can be used at a distance. What about the rocket launcher you say?? Its effective at blasting people 2 feet away. Thats it. Oh yeah you can trash any of the vehicles with a locked on rocket. So now the vehicles are wortheless...unless you take the rocket launchers off the map. In which all the newbies scream NOOO, NOT FAIR YOU ARE IN A VEHICLE, THATS NOT FAIR>...WTF..1111oneonen

Multiplayers would even of been enjoyable if those were the only problems, but now we get to the worst problem of them all.

The (2) swords. Yes I said 2. The Covenant sword that kills in one hit from 309 feet away. And the shotgun, which is a slightly shittier sword.

Who is the drunk asshole at bungie that was sitting around and thinking: "I have a great idea for a weapon...Lets make a weapon that kills in 1 hit, locks on against any other player, can't miss, fast as all hell, tons of ammo, and can be used effectively by ANYONE with a trigger finger. Then all his buddies at Bungie said...oh yeah, AWESOME IDEA!!!!!!

Then they made the shotgun, the slightly shittier version of the sword. Its almost tolerable, but it seems someone failed to realize that anyone wearing titanium alloy battle armor isn't going to feel a shotgun. Oh yeah, and it kills in one hit. So there I am, duel wielding one of my newbie buddies to his grave, and he runs DIRECTLY AT ME SHOOTS HIS SHOTGUN AND WE BOTH DIE. NIce job bungie, you dolts.

OK, I am leaving to go play Halo 2.

i know i know

2004-12-24T03:26:00.000-05:00

Look,

I know I haven't updated in a while. I am busy thinking how to word my next update.

EDIT: The missing line here is from my next update, and it put it in while thinking outloud. Freaking A.....

A good looking, successful, 24 year old information systems specialist with a degree from Penn State can't find a woman, but every drug dealer, outlaw biker, and redneck "look at my truck" mother fucker from this town seems to have a girl friend.

Uh... I should of double majored in hunting and drug dealing. I would have more women than I could count.

UPDATE: Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with hunting, or guns for that matter. In fact I think guns are totally sweet...but...when all you dream about all day is buck season, then you have a problem.

j00 g07 0wn3d!!!

2004-11-11T17:55:00.000-05:00

Bush just totally 0wn3d you.
This is too funny...

All the kicking and screaming out of hollywood, angst filled youth, and art majors....is fucking hilarious. The biggest campaign to ever grace our planet and keep Bush from being re-elected....FAILED...fell miserably on its fat head.

Apparently all these lamos thought that if we elected Kerry that we'd all get pretty flowers in our yard and the sun would shine all year, and magic pixies would keep us safe from harm.

I laugh at your stupidity.

Grand Theft Auto 3: San Andreas Suck

2004-10-29T15:29:00.000-05:00

OK. I get it. SO the secret to a good game is doing the same thing 3 times in row? Damn, why didn't I think of that? I could of been a bajillionare by now.

Look, I know what you are saying right now: "You noob, Grand Theft Auto 3 is different, its not the same, its bigger, and the maps are bigger and there are new weapons!!" Shut Up.
It doesn't matter...you can only beat grandma with a baseball bat and then back over here with a station wagon a certain number of time before it becomes BORING. "No No, you don't understand this one is different!" Yes I do understand. Its not different. Its the same damn game that came out 3 years ago.

Can you steal a car? Yes
Can you beat pedestrians? Yes
Do you go on missions? Yes
Can you run around and kill people with ridiculous weapons like chainsaws? Yes
Can you kill cops? Yes
Can you buy property? Yes
Are there codes that give you all the cool stuff? Yes

See, its the same fucking game!! Look, do you see this!!??

Here a drew a picture to illustrate:

Now don't get me wrong, senseless beatings and murder can be very fun in a video game...but I have seen and heard so much crap from people who THINK they know games it makes me sick.

Whatever you do, don't use any of your brain...just keep mashing those buttons and running grandpa over with the fire truck.

yes i know

2004-10-18T12:58:00.000-05:00

yes i know, i haven't updated in like 3 weeks...

haha..omg!!!11111 lol!! hahaha rolf!!!

deal with it. im busy....working.

Confessions of a modern male

2004-09-27T16:42:00.000-05:00

Woah...slow down...please. I think the boat left and I wasn't on it...
Yep, the boat did definately leave, and I was definately not on it.

What is going on with modern male? Did I miss the "million metrosexual march?" AHHHH!

So freaking aggravating. Lets recap what I have seen in the past few months. (I know I touched on this before so just bear with me.)
First, CUT THE CRAP WITH THE PINK SHIRTS!! GEEEEzus help us please. God just 'text messaged' us all with "wtf lol id10ts!" I'm sorry, but pink is a color for girls. These are just some basics that we are all taught. Remember when someone is about to have a new baby boy? They paint his room in blue and fill it with freaking tonka trucks...not pink and barbies. Get a hold of yourself man! Did your parents hate you?

Thanks to totally worthless crap like 'queer eye for the straight guy', we think its "ok" to show your feminine side....EVERYWHERE! ugh! What ever happened to being a GUY and being respected for it? Now we dress like women to impress them? Holy Fuck. If I was gonna get into a fight at a bar, I'd fight the guy with the pink shirt, cuz I know he doesn't have any balls. You're wearing a god damn PINK SHIRT that you paid $65.99 for! Thats just plain stupidity.

As a modern male, I swear to never:
1) Wear a pinks shirt
2) Wear an armband, to spice up my outfit.
3) Put "wings" on a neon.
4) Wear jeans so pre-faded that you can see through them.
5) Wear jeans that "flare." (ooooh flaring is soooo cute.....omg.....like wow...)

EnforcerPSU: Keeping it real since 1980.

Post College Traumatic Syndrome

2004-09-18T04:04:00.000-05:00

So...I guess this is the culmination of my life as I know it.

As I write this I am sitting in my father's house, on a 56k connection, at 5 in the morning. I have no job, no money, no offers, no cash, and no gas in my fucking car. I am suffering from what is now becoming known as post college traumatic syndrome. But for some reason, it totally fucking rules. Let me tell you what I do all day:

1:00 PM - Get out of bed
1:30 PM - get out of bed...again....
2:00 PM - Eat whatever is in the fridge
2:15 PM - Turn the computer on
2:20 PM - Stare mindlessly into the sky
2:30 PM - Check monster.com for any job offers........wait for it......oh nothing, what a surprise
3:00 PM - surf the net, post on message boards, and other totally mindless activities.
3:15 PM - PLay Final Fantasy online for hours....and I mean hours. I am actually starting to believe that I could cast Fire on the next person who pisses me off. Wouldn't that be totally sweet!!??? "Oh Hey Joe! woooooooooooooooooooooooSH!" 1 down, 7000 to go.
6:00 PM - Dad goes "Hey Son! Hows the job search going? Oh Great Dad! I started to actually think about maybe looking for a job posting somewhere!" Dad walks off, very confused.....
7:00 PM - drive into town in my totally sweet ride....the 2001 KIA RIO. With is duel overhead cam v4 twin non-turbo engine i get to town in 26 seconds........fuck you copper!!
7:00:26 PM - Me and my friends play video games. of course, they're unemployed too. its a win/win situation.
9:30 PM - PLay hockey...this is the part of the day that makes me feel productive. Beating the crap out of some talentless punks is always fun, even if your mother teresa's nephew.
11:00 PM - Go to the bar, spending my "allowance" I get from my dad. I feel like a 15 year old kid again. Thanks Daddy!!!
11:00 PM - ???? Totally pointless random shit, like i used to do in college...but the best part is....I DONT HAVE TO GO TO CLASS TOMORROW!!!!!! YESSSSSS!!

I am gonna drag this out for as long as physically possible. You know why? While the rest of you little bitches were taking your summer off I was writing papers until 5 in the morning so I could get a degree that I can actually use. Heres the reality of the situation. I will have a job soon. YOu won't...because you majored in Art Communication. sucker.

Added some stuff

2004-09-03T10:50:00.000-05:00

Ok I added some stuff. Now you don't even need to go to google.com to search. I added a google search bar right on this page itself. Holy Crap isn't that cool?

USE GOOGLE SEARCH. Don't use anything else. The rest suck ass. Remembr all those crappy search engines like hotbot or webcrawler? Wow they sucked.

(PS...yes I know there are giant advertisements in my page...but I am going to reorganize this template and try and move them).

IN other news my post about "linkin park" has gotten quite some attention. Seems im not the only one who thinks linkin park is a bunch of whiny pussies. YOu know who else is a whiny pussy? BEN AFLACK

Apparently Ben didn't have enough to do with making movies and hob nobbing with Hollywood elitist pigs. He decided he would tell us all how to vote in the next election. Thanks, but no thanks asshole. The last thing I need is for some Hollywood elitist fuck telling me who to vote for. YOU MAKE MOVIES FOR A LIVING!! Thats it! You aren't involved in politics. All you do ALL DAY is pretend to be SOMEONE ELSE! UGH!

Why can't these assholes keep to themselves? I swear....

now what do i do?

2004-09-02T02:50:00.000-05:00

Ok so I graduated. NOW WHAT!!???

College is fucked up, they pre-program you into this "get-up-go-to-class-party-repeat" mode.
Now I am out of college, and I have no fucking clue what to do.

I know, I will impress the ladies with my new pickup line:
"Hello, I'm Joe, I'm 24 and I live with my parents."
totally sweet, a real lady killer.

metrosexual?

2004-07-26T15:04:00.000-05:00

I was in Abercrombie and Fitch the other day. I have never been in there before. I never want to go back. This is what I saw:

1) Girls jeans for guys. WTF!
2) Pink button down shirts for guys...do I detect a pattern?
3) guys khakis with holes...in the ass. ok ok, definately a pattern.

hmmm...

Pink button down shirt: $49
Pre-Ripped flare cut girl jeans for guys: $59
Pre-Ripped khakis with holes in the "back": $59

Pointing and laughing at the metrosexual storeclerk: Priceless.

Linkin Park - Nsync for angst filled young adults.

2004-07-23T16:15:00.000-05:00

I can't stand Linkin Park. The destroy everything that is sacred to music. Here is why:

Linkin Park is like the Frosted Mini Wheats of music. All tough and hardcore on one side while remaining trendy and hip and good tasting on the other. Um...isn't this a blatent contradiction? Yeah you can do it with cereal, but if anyone else tried this kind of musical mish-mash of crap, they got called on it.

Lets take Nirvana for example. 100% hardcore rockers. They never dressed up, never went to big celebrity celebrations, did drugs, smoked, smashed their guitars, and didn't sing like a bunch of whiny pussies who just got dumped by their girlfriends.
Now lets look at what happened to Limp Bizkit. Millions of fans before they went big...then they went all soft and poppy and woooosh....they broke up...citing "artistic" differences.
No...your album sales sucked and the radios played your songs because they were paid to. Anyway back to Linkin Park.

Somehow the big radio execs figured out a way to please the hardcore mindless youth of America AND please the slightly more mature college fratboy. (Notice I say slightly). The basic formula for linkin park is simply amazing...unless you look closely you can't even see the bullshit they throw at you. Lets take a look at that ingenius formula: I cant remember if linkin park has 4 or 5 members, so if they have 5 just replace the 4 with 5. In fact you probably don't know either. You're too busy "jamming out" to their new single.

4 Studio Musicians and 4000 studio machines (notice the addition of the machines to make up for the musicians total lack of creative talent.)

4 Trendy outfits - perfectly clean, but torn in the obvious areas. They have that modern "I don't care what I look like but I paid $60 for this t-shirt" look. This really attracts the girls. Since 99.98% of all women are superficial they couldn't waste their time on any Kurt Cobain look alikes.

Spiky trendy haircuts. (See above)

Here is the real genius. Their "sound". Since Linkin Park doesn't actually write their own music they needed a sound that appealed to everyone. Their record company came up with this: emo + hardcore + rock + techno + dance + trance + metal + Nsync ?!??!!!?!?!!??!?!?!!? <---- That shouldn't work...BUT IT DOES.

The record company managed to cover EVERY SINGLE DEMOGRAPHIC of modern music with ONE band. And no one is calling them on it...except me. Bottom line. If you listen to these guys closely you would realize that they are simply a grown up Nsync. And everyone knows (even frat guys), that Nsync sucks balls. Here is the proof that Linkin Park is really Nsync.

1) Every song is in the exact same MINOR key. I am pretty sure it either C or A. Both can be used. Nsync and the Backstreet boys "played" all their songs in one major key. Very appeasing to the ears and the modern idiot at the same time.
2) They have 2 "frontmen" or "lead singers". You need 1 lead singer, not 2, not 5, not 47. JUST ONE. This just gives superficial girls more to ogle at. "oh look at their cute spiky hair...I can't figure out who is cuter!!!!1111" --- oh puke....
3) Each track is so PERFECTLY cut and looped that you'd swear that a human wasn't playing it. Exactly. Every track is perfect because it was designed on a computer. How else do they get all those cool effects and sounds at the beginning of every track? Now I am not against bands using computers to spice up a finished project, but c'mon...your whole fucking track is one long loop?? Just like Nsync...and the backstreet boys...and britney spears...etc etc
4) Their lead singer sings like a church boy...on steroids. Both of them. He even "screams" like a backstreet boy. Perfectly on key, perfect pitch, perfect machine. Integrity..WHATS THAT!!??
5) Even if they were a real band, the difficulty of their music is a 1 on a scale of 1 to 10. In fact, I learned all the same notes and chords they use in my "Mel Bay Guitar Primer for Kids." In fact, I think they are using the same book, because I can't find mine and I think someone stole it. Of course you have to have an ear for music, and well...face it...most of you idiots don't. You hear something on the radio and instantly think. AWESOME!!!! SO COOL!!!
6) All their songs follow trendy love and depression themes. Just like Nsync! How you can have an album dedicated to "falling" and "crawling" and "wallowing in despair" is beyond me. If it really is that bad, I know a good cliff you can jump off of.

And there you have it folks. Your favorite "band" Linkin Park is nothing more than Nsync on crack cocaine.

New blogger options 0wnz j00.

2004-07-23T13:17:00.000-05:00

Oh sweet, you can change all kinds of stuff now.

Now my posts can be more elite than ever before.

MUHAHA!!

I hate Penn State Behrend (again)

2004-07-15T11:12:00.000-05:00

I am about 3 seconds away from flipping out on every faculty member here at Penn STate Erie.

ALL I WANT IS AN INTERNET CONNECTION!!!! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!!!!

So I went to the computer center today to find out if our internet connection had been fixed yet. I found out that it works everywhere EXCEPT MY BUILDING!! !????!!!!!!??!?!
And they didn't have any plans to get it working anytime soon because our fat piece of shit housing director thinks we have dial up access from our apartments. (we don't). And the school claims that if I want to use the "interweb" I can just go to the labs. Well fuck you guys, that doesn't cut it. I PAID FOR HIGH SPEED INTERNET ACCESS FROM MY APARTMENT. We all did, it part of our fat bloated tuition.

I haven't had net access in my room now for 3 weeks. I went to 3 department offices on campus today and no one had any real answers. Student affairs bitched at me for making a complaint. BUT THATS WHAT STUDENT AFFAIRS IS FOR!!! I guess in our new environmentally

But this is all part of a larger problem: Penn State is turning into a bloated pigopoly of a school. Rapid expansion every year has caused Penn State to turn a deaf ear to student needs. NO one on the campus can give a straight answer, because no one knows exactly what is going on and its a big inconvenience to have to actually TALK to a student. So what if we inconvenience a few 100 students, look at our new shiny buildings! Its like a bunch of 8 year olds with 1000 building blocks and a ton of caffeine. I am your fucking customer, I pay your fucking salary, PAY ATTENTION ASSHOLES BECAUSE I AM ABOUT TO GIVE YOU A BASIC LESSON IN BUSINESS>>>>>PISS OFF YOUR CUSTOMERS AND SUDDENLY, YOU HAVE NO CUSTOMERS.

I think I learned that in Business 101 - Business for idiots, back when I was a freshman. Now I am convinced that 98% of our faculty needs a refresher course in basic business ethics. PEnn State has pissed me off, and thats a bad idea. For the next few weeks I am gonna make housing's job a living hell by calling every day, every hour.

Be afraid housing...be very afraid.

I win

2004-06-25T12:25:00.000-05:00

My hockey team won another championship.
Went 13-1 in the regular season...very nice. We didn't even lose 1 playoff game.
Then we went to Canada to celebrate. Oh the bad things you can get into in Canada...muhahaaha.

Penn State Behrend stupidity strikes again.

2004-06-21T16:54:00.000-05:00

Heres a short one:

Penn State Behrend here in Erie is infamous for wasteful expansions. Buildings we dont need and programs we don't need. Parking is horrendous and the campus is turning into a maze.

Get this bullshit...during some much-uneeded expansions this summer, THEY CUT RIGHT THROUGH THE INTERNET HARD LINE TO THE APARTMENTS!!!!!!!!

It was probably some high-school educated dumbass contractor digging in the wrong spot. And Penn State probably failed ot warn him.

Now I have to go the whole way to the labs to even check my email.

Nice job you fucking morons. Way-to-fucking-go.

The internet was cool until...

2004-06-17T14:07:00.000-05:00

This is one of those posts where I will actually rant about something relevant to all of us rather than just me.

THE INTERNET HAS BEEN OFFICIALLY RUINED!
What the hell is going on here?? Do you remember, about 5 or 6 years ago when you could surf the internet, write email, or just post on forums without any problems? I do...barely. But times have changed, and the internet has been sold out, rearranged, and fucked up.

Lets take weather.com for example. As soon as the page loads you have som HUGE 3d advertisemt in your face. Man that pisses me off. I AM NOT GOING TO BUY A NEW VACUUM CLEANER BECAUSE OF YOUR ADVERTISEMENT ON WEATHER.COM!!!
I DO NOT NEED A SPY CAMERA!!! AND I AM NOT GOING TO POST MY PICTURE ON "SINGLE-LOSERS.COM"
So now instead of looking up the weather, I am hitting the "close" option on these giant advertisement as fast as they are popping up. I would like to meet the asshole who decided that "advertisements" on weather.com were a good idea, then I am going to kick him in face (because I still don't know if its going to rain tomorrow).

Hotmail.com now officially sucks ass.
The have redesigned hotmail so many times now that I don't even know where my inbox is. I just sorta let it load, and I am taken to some obscure area that I think is my mail, but I am still not sure. Meanwhile there is some huge advertisement on the right side that wants me to sign up on "I AM SINGLE BUT STILL COOL.COM"
You think with all the money that microsoft has that 1 advertisement would be enough....oh no...no possible. They need 3. THEY NEED 0, they are microsoft. Bill Gates could BUY the internet if he wanted. PLus Hotmail gives you a whole 25 megs (or some bullshit like that) of storage. WOW!!!! Geeez...I don't know what to do with 25 Megs of storage. Everyday I get email asking me if I need a bigger "package" or if I want to "spy on my neighbors" But they subject lines are written like this:
1. V 1 4 G R 4
2. D0 yo u want to spyyyy on y0r neibors?
3. re: your bank account
4. heelo are? you? there?
5. Please reply soon! we h4ve yur money!##
If you fall for any of the above or have fallen for them...then please...stop using your computer.

Every once in a while I go searching for some freeware, or some shareware, or whatever...
Then I find something I like...click download....wait....wait....SIGN UP NOW FOR FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!
What do you mean "sign up now"?????? I don't want to sign up now. I just want to try some software. LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! But here is what you do: just sign up with some bullshit email address like "hahafuckyou@hotmail.com"
I love the fact that either some machine or some person is now trying to send an email to that address. I know I didn't win the war against spam, but at least its a small victory. What happened to all the sites that didn't make you sign up or download their "special software"???? This is bullshit. The suits stepped in and ruined the internet.

I dont understand all this spam. WHY DO SPAMMERS THINK THIS STUFF WORKS? "Hey I have an idea, lets send 100000s of emails about a really shady product and people will buy it!!!"
NO. WRONG.
Spam pisses people off. I dont know one person who likes spam. As far as I am concerned these spammers should be frozen in carbonite. You aren't going to sell your product by sending me 1000 emails about car insurance.

There is one saving grace on the internet: GOOGLE.
Thats right. Google.com

Why Google rules:
1. Gmail (web based email) is freaking SWEEEEEEEET! I have a beta account, and i LOVE it. No flashy 3d advertisements, no Bullshit, and 1 GIG of storage. Holy Craptastic Batman!!!!

2. SIMPLE. SIMPLE IS GOOD. NO flashy bullshit, no sign ups, totally sweet.

3. Faster than fast. So fast, gmail is fast, searching is fast. lots of hits too. real fast...fast...fast
4. Basic color scheme.
5. cool name
6. google groups
7. google labs
8. google image search

google rules. go there now
http://www.google.com

So fucking bored

2004-06-15T20:51:00.000-05:00

Ok so anyway...

I live here in Erie. Most of my time is spent playing video games while I am not working on my "school ending" group project. But contrary to popular belief, I do have a social life...and a rather good one at that.

BUT

Not lately. THERE IS NOTHING TO DO IN ERIE PENNSYLVANIA. Especially when most of your friends work at night, or graduated, or live in California, or Chicago, or WHATEVER.
The girls on campus don't talk to me either, or to anyone for that matter. (well i drive a KIA and why would girls talk to a guy who drives a kia anyway...KIA screams: "I DONT HAVE ANY MONEY!!!!!!!!")

So heres my advice: Go out and find some cash and buy some friends. That way if you have a bunch of guys/girls who follow you around because of your money you will never be without good loyal friendship.

You will fit right in here at Penn State Behrend with the rest of the better-that-you assholes that we got running around here.

I will admit this topic is rather pointless, but like i said. All of my real friends are busy and I live in Erie. So I have nothing better to do than to make fun of you right now.

this is ridiculous

2004-06-01T14:02:00.000-05:00

Every single time I go into a gas station on a friday night, i am bewildered by the stupidity of the management.
We have this really shitty chain of gas stations here in PA called "Country Fair". They bought all the good land too so sheetz couldn't build any of their stores. So I go up the pump, lift the handle, hit the button and then I have to wait 15 minuetes for the idiot inside to turn my pump on. FINE, whatever...i can wait..
Ok, so I have my gas and I go inside to pay for it and to grab a gatorade. I grab my drink and I try to find the line for the counter. THE LINE IS 7 MILES LONG!!! What the hell is going on here!!??? Why isn't anyone manning the register?!!!!
I begin to look around knowing there has to be a reasonable explanation for all this, like a small fire, or a gas spill or ANYTHING. Nope, nothing going on. Then it hits me like a ton of bricks. THE PERSON MAKING SUBS AND OTHER FOOD IS THE SAME PERSON RUNNING THE REGISTER. You have to be fucking kidding me. No fucking way. You mean to tell me that management scheduled ONE backwoods idiot lackey to run the whole store on a friday-fucking-night!~? He has to make food (crappy food), turn on pumps, run the register, and watch the store. SURELY I am not the only one who sees this problem. Oh don't worry, it gets even worse.
From the front of the store you can see the back room. Guess whos sitting in the backroom...the lazy piece of shit manager! JUST FUCKING SITTING THERE. Hes probably "doing inventory" or some other bullshit excuse that these piece of shit late managers use to get out of working. Shes about 200lbs and she just sits there while the whole store goes to hell. I should of stolen my gas and my gatorade..but i didn't think of that awesome idea until later. I waited in line...for 10 fucking minutes.

Heres the solution. STOP HIRING SHIFT MANAGERS!! stop paying these assholes to sit around. HIRE MORE EMPLOYEES TO DO THE MAIN JOBS. With all the money you save from firing these jerk-offs you can hire enough minimum wage junkies to run the whole store. Hire a whole army of them.

I am an American and I should NOT have to wait any longer than 5 minutes to buy gasoline and gatorade.
Go to hell Country Fair.

New Comments

2004-05-18T13:33:00.000-05:00

I have a new comments section now. You can click on comments right below the post to see the whole post with comments.

In other news: people are still real dumb, and they are giving me a headache.

I met this girl the other day who thought Africa was below the US.
omg..

Why are there so many dumb people?

2004-05-10T08:00:00.000-05:00

It amazes me that we can still function as a society. I think a few years ago we must of been invaded by a race of people who look like us, acted like us, but are incredibly stupid.

Why does it seem that only girls have a hard time learning to use a computer. Every single chick that I know has spyware, adware or virus infected PC. DONT CLICK ON THE BOX THAT SAYS "FREE PRIZE IF YOU CLICK HERE" AAHHH!! so stupid!

If you are driving along and you see a string of cars a mile and half behind you. SPEED UP! Its not rocket science. Why are you inconveniencing 50 people? I don't care what your insurance company says about safe driving. Everyone knows driving fast is awesome. Why do you think they make cars with 350hp that you and me can buy?? Its not so you can do 45 in 55, its so you can do 178 in a 35.

Girls who date total losers are total losers. I know WAY to many girls who date guys that have no life whatsoever. Usually these clowns that they date drive a real fancy car, live at home with their parents, and spend all their time following their girlfrinds around. What a life. WOW! It must be nice. Make sure you get home and go to bed before mommy and daddy take your car away. These are the same dumbasses who think college is a waste of time. BUT girls like guys like these because they know that they are hopeless. Its a control thing. Because this dude cannot seem to go anywhere in life he will make an excellent boyfriend. He's not going anywhere, thats for sure! Then 50 years from now she wakes up and realizes she married a total loser. Way to go...real swift. Gee, never saw that comin.

People who believe in urban legends are fucking retards. Some dumbass once tried to tell me that while I sleep I swallow up to 15 spiders. Holy crap, you're an idiot! Funny how I never wake up to any spiders crawling on me, or any in my mouth...stupid jackass. The donor card myth is really fucking stupid too. Heres the deal:
If you are in an accident and you only have a 50/50 chance of living...they check to see if you have 'ORGAN DONOR' on your license. If you do, then they don't save you. What a bunch of bullshit. Let me explain it to you. No one is going to try and find your wallet, then find your license, while you are bleeding all over the place. "Uh...Mr. Smith, can we see your wallet before we pull you from the wreckage...ok thanks." Can you imagine the insane contraversy this would cause? "Yeah Bill, hes only got a 50/50 chance of survival, so just toss him on the pile with the other organ donors...well get the body parts later"

Wake up people, stop being so damn stupid.

Vegetarians should die

2004-04-27T14:46:00.000-05:00

Nullify the vegetarian moral crusade: (aka proving the dumb bitch wrong)

Ever get the feeling that vegetarians consider themselves morally superior to you? Like they think that not eating meat makes them so special that their shit doesn't stink? As if when someone stops eating meat, they suddenly become holy and dignified. Somehow it excuses them for the years of inconvenience and frustration they inevitably inflict upon their friends (if they have any), family and co-workers who just want to go to a restaurant and order a damn steak without constantly being reminded that they're going to hell for eating an animal that spends most of its life shitting in a field. There are those of us who don't have a hyperactive sense of guilt and we don't give a shit about your mixed up self-righteous moral vegetarian agenda. Its called common sense and being a REALIST. I use it quite often.

"I can't eat meat." The four worst words to hear when you're going to a restuarant with someone. I literally cringe every time I hear those words because I know it means that we have to drive around the city for 2 hours looking for some restuarant that serves "friendly" burgers, which ironically look and taste exactly like hamburgers--which vegetarians object to eating because it's either A) gross or B) murder. If it's so gross, then why go out of your way to eat something exactly like it, asshole? It's funny how vegetarians suddenly stop bitching about murder as soon as you point out their fancy leather belt or shoes, or that they drive a car and use electricity which contributes to polluting the earth and contaminating everything including the precious animals that they refuse to eat.

Moby is a dumbass piece of shit. He has this vision of the world where the cows run free and the people all live in harmony with each other, all the while eating vegetarian cuisine. For every animal that you dont eat, I will eat 7 to make up for it.

NOTE: I cannot take full credit for this. I borrowed this off of the internet, but since its EXACTLY how I feel about vegans I felt I should post it...since it is EXACTLY how i feel about dumbasses who dont eat meat. I edited it a bit. And added my own thoughts.

People with rolling book bags suck.

2004-04-27T14:30:00.000-05:00

Have you seen these degenerate assholes who are too lazy to CARRY THEIR FUCKING BOOKBAGS OR BACKPACKS??

They buy a fucking bag with wheels on it so they can roll it along. What the hell is the world coming to?? Why dont we just put wheels on your ass so you can roll yourself to class. Don't wanna strain any muscles WALKING with a bag on your back!

The typical wheeled bookbag user is your middle age - out of shape - women teacher. She put on a few pounds and since shes too lazy to lose it, she'll just wheel her books along.
Then she has the audacity to tell her class to be "productive" and "don't take shortcuts."

I have seen these things catching on with younger women too. great, make sure you put on the extra pounds when your young!

-IDIOTS!11111oneoneone

i dont know whats going on with the comments section

2004-04-25T14:18:00.000-05:00

the comments options is down or something.

but since only a few people ever made comments and no one else had the guts to i guess it doesn't matter.

Hockey Season

2004-04-24T16:41:00.000-05:00

Roller Hockey season has started!!!!
the penetraters are 3-0.

Unfortunately girls only like to party with guys who played ridiculously stupid sports like....baseball.

Here is my definition of a sport:

2 opposing teams must attempt to place an object (puck, ball, whatever) into the opposing teams goal.
If these conditions are not met, ITS NOT A SPORT!! its that simple.

Examples:
Cheerleading is not a sport. Get over girls, jumping around like fucking fool is not a sport.
Hockey is a sport
Soccer is a sport (although I hate it)
Baseball is NOT a sport.
Swimming is a not a sport.
Jogging is not a sport.

So what should we call all the above things that aren't sports? Easy..they are "activities".
They are not sports, they are activities.

Your activity is not a sport, get over it.

in the army now (fixed)

2004-04-18T23:23:00.000-05:00

Due to the rediculous loading time of this post, I have scaled it back to size.
But seriouly, look at all this gear that the army has to carry around.

And you think those books you carry are heavy. Fucking wimp

So as you can see, I have all the gear an army guy needs: canteen, hat, vest, pockets, gadgets, giant backpack

Suddenly we were engaged with RPGs and small arms fire!!!! We must take the objective!! I went into a low crawl...this way i was practically invincible.

at least some schools know fraternaties are bad news

2004-04-14T01:20:00.000-05:00

This is copied verbatim from a school in Canada's handbook. It basically trashes the idea of frats and sororities. Wish Penn State would do the same....yeah right, hell would freeze over first.

Fraternities and Sororities by definition are exclusive organizations. BOth the Society and the administration of the University havae a long history of non-recognition of fraternities and sororities as elitist organizations that have historically been and currently are associated with racism, sexism, homophobia, and degradation of pledges. Furthermore, fraternities and sororities deny membership to UVSS members on the basis of economic or social background, and deny membership through a selection process where a select group of individuals determine membership, or where arbitrary criteria pre-determine exclusive membership. The UVSS, as an organization to which all undergraduate students at the Unveristy belong and contribute fees, seeks to provide a social environment on campus that is open to all of its membership. Thus, the UVSS should not recognize fraternities or sororities on the basis that tey by definition seek to exclude portions of the membership for elitist ends. The clubs and course union handbook states that no club shall prejudicially exclude UVSS members from membership nor shall it charge membership fees, nor shall it discriminate against marginalized groups. Even a "Greek System" of several different fraternities and sororities in no way alters the fact that each fraternity or sorority is exclusionary and that no Greek System avoids hierarchical and elitist exclusion of significant portions of the student body of any campus.

Notice the explanation refering to them as "elitist" organizations. EXACTLY.

war times

2004-04-13T21:50:00.000-05:00

If the recent events in Iraq have not shocked you, then you probably aren't human. As cold and mean I may appear in my posts I must say that I look angelic compared to these muslim extremist insurgents.

They have killed 6 Americans contractors so far and paraded them around like trophies. If there is an evil in the world, then these insurgents are possesed by it. The images I see on TV disgust me...but what disgusts me even more are the people who now think we should go soft on the insurgents or get out of iraq.

This is war, and in war there is no time for negotiations. If you choose a life of insurgency then be prepared to suffer the consequences. It is time to retake iraq completely. Start another offensive...because if we dont do it now, the good people of Iraq will never be free of these terrorists.

This IS a holy war...muslim extremists hate white people, they hate christians, and they hate jews. They hate everyone but themselves. If you don't think this is a holy war then you need to check your history book. Remember the crusades? well more and more this appears to be holy war chapter 2. I say the less of these extremists on the planet, the better. How can there be peace when there are entire countries of people that believe killing christians and jews is there fucking job???

There is good and evil in this world, and evil has reared its ugly head in iraq. Time to cut it off.

How to pick up chicks

2004-04-07T00:31:00.000-05:00

How to pick up chicks in a few EASY TO FOLLOW STEPS!!

1. Join a frat
2. Go to the gym AT LEAST 5 days a week. Go with all your frat buddies and use EVERY MACHINE. Nothing like a day at the gym getting hot and sweaty with your frat buddies, pat eachother on the ass a few times to show everyone frat brothers stick together.
3. Go to the mall.
4. Stop into Abercrombie and Fitch, bypass any logical deals on nice clothes you see along the way.
5. Find a shirt with the biggest "A & F" Logo you can. This will ensure that people know you shop at abercrombie and fitch, and that you have money. Anything less would be "uncivilized." I am sure A & F will appreciate the free advertising too.
6. Try the shirt on, making sure it fits tight. You don't want to be caught in anything else except a size too small. All those hours you spent in the gym getting sweaty with other dudes will pay off when girls can see your chest through your shirt. DONT FORGET to get those pre-torn, pre-faded jeans. They give you that awesome "I care, but don't care" attitude....at a low price of $60!!
7. Throw a massive party making sure the girls have to drink the "special" punch. You don't want any of those freshman girls actually going home. If they get sick, make sure they sleep in your bed.
8. Repeat the above cycle. If your abercrombie shirt is dirty make sure you wear your custom made fraternity jersey. Those snazzy jerseys always have cool nick names on them like..."Ass Commander"

Way to go Champ!! You are a chick magnet!

These people are fucks up.

2004-04-05T18:59:00.000-05:00

On my way back to Erie after putting in a day of work at Penndot in Oil City, I ran into a few strange characters.

These people must of been in their early to mid twenties, and they are dressed like punk rockers, rejects, and art majors. Noticed I threw art majors in there. Not all art majors are bad, but it seems 90% insist on dressing like rejects - while insisting they are fighting against society - in the name of art. yeah ok...art...whatever dude. FIGHT THE MAN WITH ART!

ANYWAY...where do these people think they are going in life? You are 20+ years old. Grow up idiot. Yeah highschool was fun and we all got to play "be different" for 4 years. Now you are thinking: "Well Joe, just because they dress different doesn't make them bad people." Well actually, yes it does. It reflects the person you truly are. Most of these dyed hair, nose ring, torn shirt, ripped shoes, funky necktie wearing mother fuckers are going nowhere in life because of one simple thing. They are LAZY. They don't want to "conform" to the "norms" of society, so in a desperate attempt to justify their pitiful existance they play dress up by dressing like a jackass and claiming an "alternative" lifestyle. "hey leave me alone, im just being different." shut up you fuck up.

Notice all the words in parathesis. They like to use words like "norm" and "society" to confuse anyone who would bring up the same argument I am making. But I see write through their pathetic attempts at justification and smash them with COMMON SENSE!

A few of these morons will somehow make it into some kind of secondary education. At this point they immediately enroll in "Liberal Arts and Drawing" or "Art History". At the same time showing up for all their classes in a fucking dress just so they can be different.

I just got a second interview with a world class company in New York. I hope your alternative life style can compete with my 6 figures. smack down! Money might not make ya happy, but you sure can buy a shitload of cool stuff!

Updated my napster sucks page

2004-04-05T00:07:00.000-05:00

Check it out for a good laugh.

http://www.personal.psu.edu/jpj128/napstersucks.htm

You can't control me.

2004-04-04T23:48:00.000-05:00

What the FUCK is going on!?!??

1. Everything is falling apart. The country is in a whirlwind of chaos. I am only going to add to it. Apparently our government has decided they need to review the possibilities of making downloading music a CRIMINAL PENALTY. Wow, with all the shit going on, WHY IS OUR GOVERNMENT LISTENING TO THE RIAA???? What does MUSIC have to do with any of our real problems. If you are against filesharing, you are a fucking moron. I don't CARE if you think its illegal or unethical to "download" music. People have been trading music with their friends ever since the invention of the radio. ITS CALLED SHARING??? EVER HEARD OF IT??? YOU FUCKING DOLT!! If you are an artist that signs with a major label you are also a fucking moron. You have to be a total moron to want to give up YOUR RIGHTS to your music.

They flash all this money in your face, then take your rights, your music and then they take their money back too. If you are in a band and have dreams of signing with a major label you need to stop playing music, find your guitar, and BURN IT.

2. More soldiers were killed in Iraq. DAMNIT. Why are we going so soft on these people? I say get 1000 tanks and 1000 Fighter jets AND START BLOWING SHIT UP! These backwards ass arabs have been fighting with eachother since the dawn of recorded history. IF they wont accept US temporary occupation then fuck 'em. I am sick of watching our soldiers die. See I am different than most people because I dont sit here and blame bush or whoever. HINDSITE IS 20-20. NO point in going back now. Now that we are there its time to finish the job. If you attack our soldiers you get dealt with, its that simple. Blow Fallujah off the fucking map. Those wacky ass clerics dont want us there? well fine, well blow you away too. Israel has the right idea. Hamas fucked with israel so Israel bombed his ass. If we don't take a stand now our soldiers will continue to die. Lets show them who they are dealing with. Lets clean that shit hole Iraq up, and make it a decent place for the good people of iraq to live.

3. On a lighter note, i can still be funny. Check out my next (post above) post.

stupid bitch

2004-04-04T03:16:00.000-05:00

just before i went to bed i saw this is someone's profile:

"God created man, but I could do better."
- Erma Bombeck

Erme Bombeck is a stupid cunt. blow me.

totally honest

2004-04-04T03:12:00.000-05:00

As i sit here...i think

I am gonna write something totally honest (well i guess everything I write is totally honest)

I had somethintg written here, then i erased it all.

basically it was a shout out to all my friends and a few notes to some of the girls i dated.

then i realized something. i dont need to say any of it. i already fucking rule and thats about it.
school will be over soon. then i must move on.

God help us all. watch over us and guide us. sometimes its all i have. and its all i need.

I am the man.

2004-03-26T14:55:00.000-05:00

I just got back from a job interview with Moldflow.

And I quote:

"You are the perfect candidate."

YES!!!

Lies girls tell, and why they do it

2004-03-25T17:13:00.000-05:00

Look, i am gonna tell you right now that I do have all this bullshit figured out. Yes, I do have the opposite sex figured out, and I am about to explain it to you.

This post was spurred because of a comment I saw in someone's AIM profile. It went a little bit like this:
PERSON A: Why can't I find a nice, caring, sensitive, good looking guy?
PERSON B: Because they all have boy friends

ooooh, is that it? Well I beg to differ. ANY girl, and I mean ANY girl who says they want a nice, sensitive, good looking guy is blowing more smoke up your ass then chernoble produced when it blew up. These are the same girls that you see date asshole, redneck, jock, dumbass, rude, ignorant, fuck ups. They often complain about how their boyfriend mistreats them, and how if he screws up "one more time" they are dumping him. Dont fucking give me your bullshit, I have seen it all before. If you truly wanted the kind of boyfriend you said you do, then you wouldnt be with the dumbass you are right now. Get a fucking clue.

And now I will tell you WHY they do it. THEY ENJOY IT. For some sick, twisted reason, girls ENJOY these kinds of relationships. They will say they hate it, but deep down inside they go back again and again for the same reason. I think its called Stockholm syndrome. Their brain gets some sick pleasure our of dating some abusive asshole. Plus girls usually place their values in material objects, and most of the assholes that they date drive some huge 52 Ton dump truck, or a sports car they can't afford but daddy was so nice he paid for it. Fuck you and your dad.

I am so sick of girls complaining about guys. Have you ever opened you eyes and looked around you? Look at what you are saying? The people you want to date and the people you DO date are 2 different things. By dating these assholes you place all the power in their hands. People like me can tell you again and again to open you fucking eyes, but you aren't gonna listen. Maybe someday you will realize what I talking about.

I have proof of all this. I am a good looking person with all the qualities a girl could want. I am living proof that girls are liars. The last girl I was attracted to didn't like me because I was too "nice" or "old" or "we didn't click" or some dumb bullshit that girls say. They got a million of them. Actually it translates into "Damn, I would date you, but I really am in the market for an asshole right now. Sorry"

So to sum it up, if you can't find a nice, sensitive, caring boyfriend....then deal with it. And stop putting it in your profile.

the weekend

2004-03-19T11:18:00.000-05:00

YES! its the weekend.

the best part about college is the weekend. Its like a mini vacation every 5 days. For about 48 hours between friday and Saturday you actually have time to go out and have some fun.

I haven't been feeling too well, but I am going to go out anyway. Its the freaking weekend!
I rule

im back

2004-03-18T01:49:00.000-05:00

yes thats right im back. now for some insults:

- I saw TONS of hot girls in florida, unfortunately their average IQ was 3.2, LIKE WOW!
- 9/10 doctors recommend that YOU stop driving in the snow, because you are slowing me down.
- Obesity is not a disease, you are just eating TOO MUCH
- The next person i see making out with their girlfriend in the hallways is gonna get bitch smacked.
- athletes who complain about the difference between 8 million and 9 million are almost as bad as hollywood snobs who shove their opinions down everyone's throat
- Anyone who thinks things will be different if Kerry is elected is a total moron. This country was bought and sold 100 years ago. The shit that Bush or Kerry shove around every 4 years is nothing. The only thing that changes is technology. Stop hanging up posters, stop watching CNN and go out and do something.
- 9/10 hot girls has a fat friend to make them look better. shallow bitch, step down.

just a few things I had to get off my mind.

Roller hockey season is starting, which means my team (The Penetraters) is gonna stomp you into the ground.
Bring it on

Im outta here!

2004-03-05T16:01:00.000-05:00

Spring Break is here. I am taking a vacation. You should stop looking at this and go take a vacation too.
late.

shallow people watch shallow TV shows.

2004-03-02T00:52:00.000-05:00

What the fuck is up with all the hype the grammies and oscars get? Why does everyone and their dogs care about these pointless fucking awards? Let me explain to you how the grammies and oscars work:

All the ultra rich egotistical actors and their fat directors get together and give eachother awards. BIG FUCKING DEAL! They show this shit on Television!!??!?!?!!1111 Why would ANYONE want to watch of bunch of rich ass snobs get their egos inflated? Then I hear people talking about it the next day, LIKE IT HAS SOME GREAT EFFECT ON YOUR LIFE. "OMG, like wow, I cant believe they won that award, that show was so like, gay and stuff, even though i watched it all the time." shut up, please, for the sake of whats left of humanity, please shut the fuck up. The grammies have no effect on anyone's life.

Every time some hollywood prick wins an award he/she takes the stage and thanks all these people they dont give a shit about. They always say something retarded like "Oh and I thank my dresser for all her hard work in getting my outfits ready" or "Thank you Bob for always being there for me" or "Thank you God for making this possible." Do you think these hollywood assholes give a shit about God or their families when they are demanding 20 Million a movie or snorting coke with their hollywood buddies. Fuck Hollywood. Wow, acting, we all do it, these snobbish assholes just get paid to do it.

YOU are letting this happen, by watching these award shows you push the ratings up and you help these networks fill the airwaves with bullshit programming. Congratulations. You just made the whole world dumber. Have you ever thought about watching something that mattered? Maybe something on discovery? Something about WW2 or science? Oh wait...you might learn something. Nevermind, that was a dumb idea. No one wants to LEARN anything nowadays. You are all too concerned with who won actor of the millenium or best fake love scene. Fucking assholes.

MSNBC - CIA slipped bugs to Soviets

2004-02-29T04:46:00.000-05:00

MSNBC - CIA slipped bugs to Soviets
Holy Crap! what an article. We demolished those commies bastards with faulty software.

China you're fucking next! We dont even need planes and guns to take you out.

Florida

2004-02-27T15:18:00.000-05:00

I am going to Florida over spring break. I have never gone anywhere on spring break before. Its gonna be a blast; I am picking my friend Jeremy up in NC...then onto Florida. My best friends are spread all over the country now, we all grew up at some point and moved on. but thats life and thats how it is. You have to face the reality that all these people around you will one day be gone. And thats how it is.

SWM - Looking for intelligent really hot women, who are into video games and music. I am color blind so you must deal with the fact that I never match, nor do I care to. I dont wear A&F and I never will. I must be able to spend a large portion of my time with my friends, as I expect you to do the same with your friends. You must put up with me criticizing most everything around me...and yes I have a better idea that will work. The tradeoff is simple, I wont treat you like shit and you never have to pay. Probably unlike most b/fs you probaby had my IQ is higher than 14, much higher. I understand how shit works, and I am overall nice guy.

See, the problem with the above is very simple. THE GIRL DOESN'T EXIST. Most girls i've wandered into piss me off so much. Most are so concerned with their hair and shoes that they fail to realize the world around them or their own OBVIOUS mistakes. Or other girls I meet can't make any kind of logical decision, regardless of all the evidence in front of them.

I don't get it. Prove me wrong.

I wanted to ...

2004-02-24T17:13:00.000-05:00

I wanted to sit down and write something witty...but...i am completely exhausted. In fact, I can't even complain about anything right now because I just dont have the energy.

I read that they might re-institute the draft next year. Something like you must give 2 years of service between ages 18-26. Well...I guess thats a good thing and a bad thing. Is this country really ready for a non-voluntary service duty? I don't think a lot of people are. It has to pass congress anyway. Its Bill S 89 in case you search for it on www.senate.gov .

The hippies will be screaming mad, and I really like that part, but a lot of families wont like the idea of 2 years of service. What about people in college? what happens to them?
There is a part of me that really likes this idea though, a bit of military never hurt anyone. It really helped my cousin. I wouldnt object to going, hell I will serve, anyday. Give me a gun and a humvee...GO GO GO.

A lot of unanswered questions. only time can tell.

MSNBC - Dark energy confirmed as constant presence

2004-02-22T17:24:00.000-05:00

MSNBC - Dark energy confirmed as constant presence

Awesome, what a great article. There are so many thing out there that just blow my mind. I know some of you could care less about space and dark energy etc etc, but you are the small and close minded people. When we begin to study our universe we can begin to understand ourselves.

fuck this

2004-02-22T05:23:00.000-05:00

fuck this and fuck you too

How many assholes we got on this ship anyway? AYE SIR!!!

2004-02-21T15:15:00.000-05:00

Have you ever seen spaceballs? You know the part where LORD HELMET asks how many assholes are on his ship, and he gets a response from every person on board? Thats how I feel every time I get in my car. Let me explain. I know I cover this topic a lot, but I must go into more detail. Maybe I can get SOMEONE to stop driving like a dumbass.

Leaving Oil City on rt 227 I get behind a 1986 Dodge Minivan doing 35 MPH in a 55 MPH zone. If you have ever had this happen to you, you know how aggravating this can be. You can't see anything in front of you because the dodge engineerings thought a GIANT BOX design would be a good idea. My car cant stay in a steady gear because 35 is somewhere between 2nd and 3rd gear. SO here I am, behind this slow moving asshole making it BLATENTLY obvious that I intend to pass at the first chance. Of course, everytime I try to pass this country dumbass speeds up and then my way is blocked by oncoming traffic. FUCK!!! GET OUT OF MY WAY! If I had anything bigger than a KIA I would ram this dumb fucker right off the road. Let him sit in the ditch for a few hours. Finally around Titusville I get relief as he pulls off into some whitetrash neighborhood.

Upon leaving titusville I get stuck behind Mr. "IM TOO AFRAID TO DRIVE IN THE SNOW." He is pretty much the same kind of asshole as the above guy, except if it wasn't snowing he would actually go the speed limit. So here I am, behind some 1998 Cadillac with a V8000 engine, and I AM STILL DOING 35 MPH. WHY do old people's cars have HUGE engines!!!??? WHY!!??? When these engineerings sit down and design these Oldsmobiles WHY do they put V8s in them!!??? Old people dont drive over 45 mph!!! I say stop wasting your money on these designs and start building consumer cars that dont break down after a month. Of course, thats makes too much sense and why would they do something that makes sense.

Well, I finally made it to this shorcut I take between Rt8 and Behrend. As expected the snow drifts had covered much of the road in snow, so instead of my normal 65 MPH I cut it back to 55....safety first...yeah right...
Then I have to admit things get a little bad. The snow drifts began to white out the road ahead of me, so I actually did have to slow to about 25 or 35 (still faster than anyone else). I can't see 2 fucking feet in front of me when suddenly out of the drift appears a car....ON MY SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!! Jerking the wheel to the right I was able to go between him and the ditch (If i didn't have superhero reflexes then he would of hit me). and thats not all. After narrowly missed dumbass #1 I meet dumbass#2, PLOWING HIS DRIVEWAY IN THE MIDDLE OF A WHITEOUT!!!! YOu dumb asshole!! Why do all these country rednecks plow their driveway snow BACK INTO THE ROAD!!? This fucking jerkoff couldnt see ANYTHING in the whiteout, yet he was driving his truck in and out of his driveway into the road. I have a simple solution. WAIT UNTIL THE WHITEOUT IS OVER!

Last but not least. I made it back to behrend and was waiting at the redlight. The girl in front of me was obviously a student, I could see the tag in her window. She made the left turn ahead of me and I followed suit. She then drove up Jordan road at....wait for it.....5 MILES PER HOUR!!! WTF!!! WHY?? Out of ALL the people I had encountered today she was the most aggravating. She had a new fucking car too!! This once again goes to prove the fact, that indeed MOST girls (not all, so stop bitching) cannot drive.

I had my sweet revenge though, as she drove ahead of me into the parking lot she MISSED a great space....(I guess 5 MPH was way to fast for her)...and I grabbed the spot! Right next to my apt. BOOYA!! Eat it!!

Throw your license away because chances are you do not belong on the road.

Way behind

2004-02-18T10:50:00.000-05:00

I am way behind in my school work. But I just don't really care anymore. Every semester I say "I am gonna work ahead and be productive"

It never happens. Old habits don't die hard because they don't ever die.

The Smashing Pumpkins fucking rule. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a moron.

Blog This Bitch!!

2004-02-16T15:37:00.000-05:00

There are some really really pathetic weblogs out there. I would say 90% of the weblogs I have encountered say something like this: "Oh my life is so pathetic, I hate my life. I have a headache and people don't like me. I hate myself, please save me"

Please STOP! You are nothing but an attention whore. You want people to read your posts and feel sorry for you ( if you are a guy you want a girl to read your posts and feel sorry for you). NEWS FLASH, its not going to happen. You are only making yourself look like a damn fool. This "disease" of posting your torments on the internet has infected almost every weblog and instant messanger profile out there. Didn't your parents pay enough attention to you? I remember when I finally moved off to college I was glad everyone STOPPED paying all that attention to me. Course, I am a person of above average intelligence, so maybe this is only effecting people of low intelligence (I may be on to something!)

I don't care that you got dumped, I don't care if you are depressed, I dont care if you are sick today, I don't care if your classes are hard, I just don't care. Fix it yourself, because you are the only one who can.

You know what else I really hate? How the internet has turned everyone into some kind of fucking philosopher. Everyone's blog or profile has so kind of dumbass quote in it about figuring out life or "finding yourself" Cut the crap einstein, you didnt figure anything out. Why are you buying into that? You know who thinks these lame ass quotes up? I 'll tell ya who: Hippies and assholes who sit in the woods all day. Degenerates. Period.

Stuff the ego, get a life.

HERE is a quote I like:
Kyle: Cartman stop it, people died!!
Cartman: It was mostly hippies anyway, who cares, only hippes go to farmer's markets.

The internet rules.

2004-02-15T17:57:00.000-05:00

The internet is pretty damn fucking awesome. <---- Can you say that?

Anyway, you can get anything you want, code, templates, java, c++, Basic, cracks, hacks, music, games, apps.
Unfortunately nowadays you have wade through tons of bullshit, but if you are good...you can easily find what you are looking for. So why are you reading this when you can be out grabbing up all kinds of free stuff!

Valentines Day

2004-02-13T15:33:00.000-05:00

Valentines day is for petty assholes who are insecure in their relationships. You don't need a certain day to express yourself in a relationship. What the fuck is the difference between Feb 14th and August 8th? Nothing at all.

Waste money on a pointless holiday if ya want, because I won't be. In fact, instead of buying 7 tons of flowers, send your money to me, I will put it to good use.

Bitorrent

2004-02-12T12:54:00.000-05:00

Bitorrent, or Bittorrent is the future of filesharing. I suggest you get it. It already accounts for 10% of all internet traffic.

Go to google and search for it and download 1 of the many open source versions. Then go to www.suprnova.org and get anything you need. Music, games, movies, apps. There is a link for the bitorrent client on suprnova if you can't find it on google.

Fight the good fight. Download and share.

Depression is Bullshit

2004-02-11T12:06:00.000-05:00

You have to be careful when surfing the internet, because it seems the pool of bullshit on the internet is getting deeper and deeper.

A huge headline on MSN on Monday read "Young Adult girls suffering from Depression more than men"
WTF

First off, depression isn't a disease. It never has been and it never will be. Everyone's body chemistry is a bit different. It has to be or we would all be the same mindless idiot (seems like there are more of them everyday though).

This article discusses the kind of depressions girls suffer from when being forced to look a certain way or act a certain way because of the media. WTF! If you are dumb enough to let hollywood and the media tell you how to look then you DO need help. America is the only country on earth that panders to people with "diseases" like anorexia and bulimia. You think they have anorexia in somalia? Fuck NO! Those people are starving to death because they have nothing to eat and here in the states some stuck up bitch is screaming "I CAN'T EAT THIS, I WILL GET FAT" I have a brillian diet plan: Shut the fuck up, eat, excercise, repeat.

And why all of the sudden is the media pandering to girls. The article talks about girls suffering depression in their relationships. Oh please...spare me the setiment. These are the same girls who are dumb enough to date the same asshole over and over again and now I am supposed to feel sorry for them? Ha, fuck no. Is there ever an article about how these girls make the same dumb ass decisions over and over again? Maybe they deserve what they get.

Depression should be treated as a signal. Its a signal to change your life. Get up and make a change. Better yourself. Create a better environment. make yourself.

I do admit that there a FEW extreme cases where someone's brain does not function within normal parameters. These people do need help and there is nothing wrong with treating these people. 20% of young adults to not suffer from "depression" though, that is 100% bullshit.

Prime examples of stupidity.

2004-02-11T11:15:00.000-05:00

In keeping with Penn State Behrend's long tradition of stupidity, the administration has elected to erect a new freshman dorm. This doesn't sound too bad, except the construction yard is right in the middle of campus. The construction yard sits on what used to be the most direct way to class. Now, you must take the woods path but campus admin has refused to recognize this as a normal way to class. If you take the woods path you must brave an ivy slope, cross a creek and back up the other side of a muddy or icy hill. Terrific, just fucking terrific. Not only did they decide to build directly on top of the easiest way to class, but now they refuse to pave a way through the woods for students to use. Now you are probably asking yourself..."how DO you get to class?" Well let me tell you.

To access most of the buildings on campus you actually have to walk UP and AWAY from your destination (in the blistering Erie cold). Walk across the top of a hill and back down the hill on this nice convenient asphault path (again, in the blistering cold) Why??? Why would the administration decide to put a building right in the middle of the BUSIEST INTERSECTION ON CAMPUS!!?? Now they expect everyone to take time out of their schedule everyday to get to class on time. There were about 1000 better locations on campus...you think they would of found one that wasn't in everyone's way. Add this to all the ridiculously stupid campus policies about parking and housing charges and you get the worst Housing Administration to grace the planet. I hate them. The only thing that matters to this campus is their bottom line, ot bottom dollar. I hope someone reminds them that schools are "NON-PROFIT ORGANIZATIONS." But I am sure they have forgotten what that means.

This school no longer promotes a positive learning environment, instead they promote their pocket books. Do not attend Penn State Erie, Do not give them your money.

On another note, Dawson's Creek was on today. It has to be the single biggest high-school lie ever created. Highschool wasn't like that! In fact I can prove it - How many times in highschool was the most popular guy best friends with the hottest girl in school? Never, because he was fucking her, and every other girl in school. Dawson's Creek is for obsesive assholes who arent satisfied with their own lives. And when did 25 year olds attend highschool. No one looked like that in highschool.

I am going back to bed.

school

2004-02-09T00:39:00.000-05:00

sucks. I'm getting really bored.
enough said.

nothing better

2004-02-08T04:09:00.000-05:00

There is nothing more rewarding that spending an evening with your friends. Drinking a few beers, laughing, and reminiscing about days past - looking to the future. This is what is important. This is what life is. Its that simple.

Hey Parents

2004-02-07T14:11:00.000-05:00

Dont take your kids to a erie hockey game. Or at least sit them in the family section. I dont want your kid to hear it when I yell "fuck you ref, thats fucking bullshit you ass-fuck, you blow ref, fucking asshole"

See what I mean?

There are so many neophytes on campus now. All these "kids" get completely wasted and act like total ass-clowns who don't know what is going on around them. Now dont get wrong, I have gotten wasted myself but I never acted like a complete asshole. So many of these n00bs were stumbling around the quad yelling dumb shit and asking if we knew where the next party was. No dude, I think its past your bedtime, now leave me alone so I can drink my beer.

Tip to everyone: IF you act like a completely different person everytime you get drunk and never remember anything when you wake up, STOP DRINKING!!

-JOe

Reward

2004-02-06T16:07:00.000-05:00

I worked my ass off all week. And I am gonna do it again next week. BUT since its friday I am gonna reward myself. First a hair-cut to get myself back to "dead-sexy" status, then to an Erie Otters hockey game with my friends. We are gonna drink beer and have a great time. Beer and hockey, there is no better combination on earth. Go Otters!

Nothing good to say?

2004-02-06T15:11:00.000-05:00

Somone recently commented on the leetness of my weblog. They said I have nothing good to say and that I need help.
Well crap! Apparently the world around me is just peachy and I failed to notice it! Sorry - I am pointing out the obvious wrongs around me, and its not gonna stop anytime soon. I'm not some bitter old man, I just can't stand the bullshit anymore. If you like what you see around you, then good...well I don't.

Ok Ok, Tell ya what...I will now say something "good."

"I am still awesome"

Good enough? Perfect.

You have to be fucking kidding me!!!!

2004-02-06T00:39:00.000-05:00

No matter what I did, I couldn't stop Penn State students from using the new napster. So many of you assholes took what Penn State gave to you without question. Well...I hope you're happy. I get all the music I want and I don't use napster. And guess what? I'll get to KEEP IT after I graduate AND burn it to a CD. Oh and have fun with those streaming files. yeah streaming is soooooo neat isn't it? Streaming is almost like downloading!!!! only not really!!! idiots....
SO many of you napster users MUST really be into music....I mean look at the top 10 downloads this month! You people wouldn't know real music if it came up and bit you in the face...twice. Graham Spanier sold us out to the RIAA and I am the only one who gives a shit. Fuck you Penn State, Fuck you Napster, and Fuck you Graham Spanier.

University Park, Pa. -- Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson and Maroon 5 continue to remain atop Penn State's list of the 10 most popular music downloads and audio streams available through Napster.

The 10 most requested downloads (followed by artist and album) for the week ending Jan. 31 are:

1. "Toxic," Britney Spears (In The Zone)
2. "This Love," Maroon 5 (Songs About Jane)
3. "With You," Jessica Simpson (In This Skin)
4. "Hey Ya!," Outcast (Speakerboxxx/The Love Below)
5. "The Way You Move," Outkast (Speakerboxxx/The Love Below)
6. "Harder to Breathe," Maroon 5 (Songs About Jane)
7. "Here Without You," 3 Doors Down (Away from the Sun)
8. "Someday," Nickelback (The Long Road)
9. "I Believe In A Thing Called Love," The Darkness (Permission To Land)
10. "You and I Both," Jason Mraz (Waiting for My Rocket to Come)

The 10 most popular audio streams (followed by artist and album) launched during the week ending Jan. 31 are:

1. "Toxic," Britney Spears (In The Zone)
2. "With You," Jessica Simpson (In This Skin)
3. "This Love," Maroon 5 (Songs About Jane)
4. "I Believe In A Thing Called Love," The Darkness (Permission To Land)
5. "Someday," Nickelback (The Long Road)
6. "So Far Away," Staind (14 Shades of Grey)
7. "You and I Both," Jason Mraz (Waiting for My Rocket to Come)
8. "Hey Ya!," OutKast (Speakerboxxx/The Love Below)
9. "Headstrong," Trapt (Trapt)
10. "Harder to Breathe," Maroon 5 (Songs About Jane)

WOW! You people sure know good music when you hear it! I mean, Jessica Simpson has sooo much talent...like WOW! I heard that she might even maybe possibly write her own lyrics. (haha yeah right) I hope Britney Spears's head falls off. If Kurt Cobain could see this now, he'd turn into a super hero and save music. Too bad hes not around. What happened to music!!??? FUCK YOU MTV!!!!

School

2004-02-05T21:09:00.000-05:00

Penn State Erie is filled with morons. Morons have penetrated the administration and they aren't leaving. We have teachers who can't teach, advisors who never show up, and students who are retarded.

Campus policy dictates charging students for damages that occus in PUBLIC areas. The school has insurance. Fucking use it. Some windows got broken here in the apartment quad and now they want to charge all the apt students for the windows. Blow me Penn State.

I scheduled myself through my last 6 years of school because my advisor was never around. After 6 years I finally found a decent one and she helped me fill my substitutions so I can graduate in the summer. If I make it to summer. The MIS schedule is filled with "easy as hell" classes until your senior year. The WAMMO you get hit in the face with a reality check; as if the first 5 years were just for "fun."

My programming teacher doesn't do anything...literally. In lab he says "read the book" and for homework we have to do a problem from the book. In class he reads powerpoint slides. No examples, no hands-on, no teaching. I believe in the student taking some initiative himself, but this is ridiculous...I take ALL the initiative.

To top it all off, Penn State Erie has a guy to girl ratio of 7000:1. Nice huh? Its terrific for girls and a living hell for us
guys.

I hate penn state. I like video games.

2 hours off

2004-02-05T17:45:00.000-05:00

all posts in my blog are 2 hours behind. I am not gonna fix it.

I work all day.

2004-02-05T17:41:00.000-05:00

I run and run and run around all day. yet i dont bitch and complain. I always hear people bitching about the most ridiculous stuff: "my boyfriend dumped me" or "my daddy wont buy me a new car" or "this homework is soooo tough"

Suck it up loser.

2004-02-05T01:27:00.000-05:00

Things you will never find in my blog.

1. Whining and crying about how depressed I am, or how tough life is.
2. Lame ass quotes by some long winded philosopher.
3. Whing and crying about a significant other.
4. Really personal info. (WHY people publish their lives on the net is beyond me)

2004-02-05T01:26:00.000-05:00

Sleep is good. I don't get enough of it.

2004-02-04T21:26:00.000-05:00

Everyday I get the sense that I am surronded by fucking morons. I am forced to deal with these people on a daily basis and it seems that it has no end. Let me give you some examples:

1. The guy in class who NEVER stops asking questions. Wow, he pisses me off. You can tell the instructor just wants to get on with his lecture but this annoying ass clown keeps saying shit that makes no sense. He can't just accept the fact that he can't grasp every concept. HELLO!! ITS CALLED "LEARNING." Take the initiative and LEARN SOMETHING YOURSELF. And no, you will NOT get a better grade because you asked 458935984095 questions this year.

2. People whining about Bush. I don't think Bush is the best president we've had or even in the top 10. But will you PLEASE shut up already! Everyone knows that the country is a mess right now and whining about Bush isn't gonna change it. Stop acting like you know better than he does, because YOU DON'T. Reality check, he works in government and has been there for years. You stand there and bitch. Now you tell me who is smarter.

3. Slow Drivers. Get off the road. Drive elsewhere, drive around your yard...I Dont care, just get off the road.

4. Howard Dean is an asshole. Everyone knows it.

5. Graham Spanier. You know who he is? Hes the jerk-off who is the president of Penn State. He sold his soul to the Record Companies. Now he has all the students using "napster." I would rather drink motor oil than use the new napster. WOW, You mean I can "stream" all the music I want....GEE THANKS ASSHOLE!

2004-02-04T17:10:00.000-05:00

I had to do it

I created my own weblog (blog) because I think people need to see my way of thinking. Yeah maybe it sounds conceited but I don't care. When you attend a university where every policy seems counter-productive to the goal of education you tend to get a little pissed off. Not only does Penn State seem to "not get it" but I am constantly bombarded by stupid people and stupid ideas.

What can I accomplish by posting here? Probably next to nothing, but if you read this page and begin to agree or disagree with what I say, then I have already succeeded. Only when we begin to think can we truly learn.